Posted by crushedout on April 4, 2004, at 10:36:38
In reply to Re: premeditating SI (caution may trigger) » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on April 4, 2004, at 10:25:56
i love it. i don't think i'll do it this time but it's very clever.i agree with you though that communicating it to her while she's present (in whatever way i can) seems better than having her read my feelings in advance. if i can, i'll try to write it on a piece of paper. if i can figure out what to write ever. which i'm not sure i can anymore. but maybe it will come to me later. this is sooooo frustrating. i feel so blocked.
> It took me a long time to figure out that my suicidal ideation was a way of communicating how much pain I was in. You are doing well to see that now! I DID find that if I worked really hard at talking about whatever was bothering me AND how much it was bothering me that the ideation went away. Talking also has another advantage - you can be really specific when you talk, where cutting (while it expresses well) doesn't allow you to explain where the pain is coming from.
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> I would encourage you to write it down - that always helps me to get my thoughts clearer. I would bring the writing to your session. If you can TELL her about it, great. If not, then you can read your writing. If you can't do that, then she can read it while you are there. Personally, I would not mail it in advance - because I would want to be able to handle her reactions and mine in real time. But, I also know that once I've decided to talk about something I won't chicken out. For people who aren't as pigheaded/stubborn/determined as I am, sending it in advance might make sense to make sure that the topic doesn't get ignored. Ah Ha! You can mail her a letter, and on the outside say that you want her to open the letter in your session. That might work.
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> Good luck. You really do need to talk to her. I think that she really will know how much pain you are in even if you don't cut.
poster:crushedout
thread:332291
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040402/msgs/332462.html