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Re: crash after a great week crushedout

Posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 16:27:59

In reply to Re: crash after a great week DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 9:15:15

Geez, I wish we could have this discussion in real time because there are so many ways to go with it.

First -- Honestly, do you think you are suffocating and this is the issue you are working on in therapy? You don't have to answer if here if you don't want to, obviously.

But if the answer is no, and I see in your post to Dinah that you don't see yourself as "needy" in the real world, then I have to wonder what it is in therapy that has been activated. For me, it is the little kid who wants a safe base, someone that won't fail her. If you need your therapist to be that for you, she should. To know your Therapist will be angry at you for showing you need her, I don't think that this makes it safe for you to be honest. Even if you need to work on the fact that someone being angry isn't the end of the world. Justifiable anger...like you call her 12 times a week and do generally intrusive behavioral stuff. Doesn't sound like that is what you are doing.

I find it really amazing that she gets angry at people who need her and yet she is a Therapist. How do you rectify those two things? This is one of those rhetorical questions I'm sending out to the universe. I'm not criticizing, it just seems incongruous to me. I don't think you WANT to need her, you just do. So your sense of self is tied up with her right now, she needs to help you find your own strength by showing you it is OK to need people. She could even say, "I'm sorry, I'm really not available on weekends. Let's work together to figure out what will work for you to get the support you need to not be miserable between sessions." Then you could have a list of friends to call, Babble, write in your journal, bake, etc. I've worked on these things with my Therapist so that while it is OK to call him, he knows I feel immensely guilty about doing this, so we have alternatives in place. Also, when I do call, he knows things to suggest that will work for me, if I need distractions or other supports.

I don't remember if I said it before, so I'll say it again. Checking in before you leave the session can be really useful to clear up some of your feelings about her being upset with you. That way you don't suffer with your own worries. Ask her to stop 5 minutes early and check in with you: "how do you feel about what we've done today? or "do you have any questions or concerns before you leave?" This will only work if you can stick to ending, not bringing in a new issue at the end. My staff calls these door knob bombs...the parents drop something really important as their home visitor is leaving.

I wish it wasn't so hard for you. Therapy is suppose to help. It isn't always suppose to feel good or be easy but I think knowing our Therapist's want to be working with us is important.

I hope you can find peace this weekend and not spend too much time worrying. I'm glad you took the chance and sent the email. I do think you need to talk more about it Monday.
Daisy

 

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