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Re: Couples therapy -- therapist likes my partner more bookgurl99

Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2004, at 11:06:52

In reply to Couples therapy -- therapist likes my partner more, posted by bookgurl99 on March 19, 2004, at 10:21:39

Bookgurl, will you snap my head off if I say I think it's at least possible that there is some projection in your thoughts? I hate those psych-jargon words too, so I understand if you're annoyed.

If I understand you correctly, you're afraid your therapist thinks less of you because you're not as thin as you'd like to be and you don't have a degree. And you think she isn't attending to your concerns as much because of her identification with your degreed and "cuter" partner.

Is there any part of you, even the smallest part of you, that thinks less of yourself because you don't have a degree and you aren't thin? Even though you know you've accomplished plenty and you are being too hard on yourself and that thinness and a degree have nothing whatsoever to do with a person's worth as a partner or human being. If there's any part of you that feels that way, you're probably more likely to think your therapist feels that way.

And if you're at all defensive about how she feels about you, she's more likely to feel negatively about you, and the whole cycle gets repeated.

So, my advice is what my advice always is. :) Talk to your therapist about your perceptions. Admit to the possibility that your perceptions might be wrong, and do the whole thing as nonjudgmentally as possible. It may be that you're right in your assessment of the situation. Or it may be that you're not right. But either way, discussing it might push you past the roadblock.

And don't forget the fact that therapists are often reluctant to urge someone who was sexually abused to be more sexually active. That might be part of the dynamic. You really might need a regular couples therapist for some of your problems and a sex therapist who's familiar with treating those who have been sexually abused for other of your problems.




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