Posted by crushedout on February 1, 2004, at 0:14:54
In reply to Re: New thoughts on T disclosures re: countertrans » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 12:38:03
Karen Kay,
You have not offended me in any way. I just find it frustrating arguing with you. I feel like I keep repeating myself.
So, to repeat myself again, I don't think that this is necessarily the right approach for all therapists to take with all clients. In your case, for example, given your history, it might not be such a good idea. On the other hand, what your T did in telling you about his sexual fantasies (which, regardless of whether they were actually about you -- let's please not start another argument about that again --, seems pretty unkosher under most people's ideas about therapist disclosures) you seemed to think helped you. And I thought at the time it was a bad idea, but I'm reconsidering that sort of thinking now.
Nonetheless, you say that if he were to actually come right out and tell you he were attracted to you, that would not be helpful to you. That's good to know. I think it would be helpful if *my* T were to tell *me* that (assuming it were true, which I do not assume, although I may hope it). As I said, simply because it would be honest, would bring us closer, and may actually help me to finally move beyond this transference crap I've been going through for over a year now.
Also my T is not a man, so I think that may change the dynamic significantly. At the risk of sounding sexist, I don't worry about women controlling their sexual urges as much as I do men. So that may be a difference between your situation and mine, among other things.
I've always wanted my T to tell me she's attracted to me, yes. My point, however, is that after reading this book, I've come to think that it might actually be helpful to my therapy if she were to do so. I could be wrong, but that's what I think. It would also be satisfying to me personally, but that's not necessarily at odds with what is good for me therapeutically. However, that's not what I'm talking about.
I've always *felt* that I would rather my therapist be my lover than my therapist, but why are you asking me that? It seems to me to be beside the point. The point of her telling me her romantic or erotic feelings toward me (if she had any) would not be so we could hook up but to advance my therapy. At least, that's the scenario I was envisioning when I started this thread. So my fantasies about us becoming lovers are irrelevant. They would be important to explore, but my point is simply that by her disclosing such feelings, I might be better equipped to explore such fantasies with her, and ideally, move past them at some point.
I already have "false hopes" and worries that my T won't be able to handle her sexual or romantic feelings toward me. By bringing them out in the open, we could address those hopes and fears directly, and perhaps get rid of them.
I'm thinking of a variety of sexual or romantic feelings. I'm not sure I was thinking as far as "I'm in love with you" -- at that point, I think there may be a big problem. But I'm not sure about that. But yes, maybe fantasies if they seem relevant. I think that it has to be done carefully.
poster:crushedout
thread:307129
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/307984.html