Posted by Waterlily on November 25, 2003, at 9:21:36
In reply to Re: What was your childhood like?, posted by joslynn on November 24, 2003, at 9:27:00
> When I was growing up, my father was an active alcoholic. It wasn't so bad until I got to be around 8 or so. That's when the yelling got really bad. He yelled a lot at my brother and my mother, for hours, over irrational things like how much salt was on the food. He never hit us, just yelled. I didn't get yelled at as much, probably because I made it my job to figure out what angered him and avoid doing it.
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> Other times, my father was funny and warm. I never knew what to expect.
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> I grew up feeling scared whenever my Dad came home (which became increasingly later as the alcoholism progressed).
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> I think that living with that fear contrtbuted to my anxiety and depression developing later in life. I think I had symptoms of depression around 15 or so and I distinctly remember gettting anxiety attacks when I was 11. Mercifully, they went away on their own.
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> My new theory is that my Dad probably drank to deal with his own depression and anxiety, so I think there is a genetic link as well.This sounds exactly like my dad, although I got into fights with him sometimes too. By the time I was 12 I was hiding in trees so that he wouldn't see me and start yelling at me to get up and do something. One time he threw a fit because I was cleaning the table in a circular motion rather than a back and forth motion. I really had to walk on eggshells around him. A month or so before my 14th birthday he turned into the perfect,loving dad. It was great. I had the dad I always wanted. It lasted like that for two months, until my mom found his body in our camper - he had taken his life.
My mom was good, but she wasn't perfect either (who is?). She put us on guilt trips a lot, especially if it had something to do with her - like if we didn't get her what she wanted for her birthday or something.
My daughter, now age 11, had early indications of depression and has been on antidepressants for two years now. Since she lives in a stable, healthy, two-parent household where there is no alcohol or substance abuse, I have to believe that her depression is genetic and that mine must also be genetic at least in part.
poster:Waterlily
thread:283075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031123/msgs/283587.html