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Re: Transference Crisis sadmom

Posted by lookdownfish on November 19, 2003, at 10:07:47

In reply to Re: Transference Crisis, posted by sadmom on November 19, 2003, at 8:31:12

Hey sadmom

I too am a computer professional! My therapist is always frowning on my need to have everything nice and neat and logical :)

I haven't read "In Session" yet. I will probably get around to it. I get the feeling it's mostly about female patient / male therapist where as I'm female and so's my therapist. I'm totally crazy about her, despite the fact she is at least 20 years older than me and we have absolutely nothing in common.

My feelings are definitely real and can be very intense. I don't think the concept of transference means that the feelings we have are not real. I think it just means we feel the way we do because of things from our past or other areas of our lives. We are transferring our feelings from another relationship. Sometimes, certainly in the case of me and my therapist, this means that the feelings are out of proportion with what actually makes sense.

Transference does not just occur in therapy. If you think about it, almost every relationship involves transference. eg, The way I relate to men has been influenced by the way I learnt to relate my father in early life when I was first learning about how to relate to others. Consequently my relationship with my husband involves some transference. That doesn't mean I don't love him or that the feelings I have are bogus.

Another example of transference is: you have a sh*t day at work and your boss puts you down and blames you for messing something up. You get home and leave your purse on the stairs. Your husband trips over it and says "What's this doing here?" You blow your top because you feel like your being accused all over again. You have transferred your feelings towards your boss to your husband, even though he wasn't accusing you of anything.

But back to therapy, I don't think the therapist has to represent one or other of your parents. I think it's more to do with the feelings you had towards them. We can't remember what it was like being a baby when our parents meant absolutely everything to us, fulfilled all our needs, made us feel totally safe and we would cry when they left the room. That feeling is buried deep in our unconscious mind, but it is pretty powerful and seems to be awakened by the therapeutic situation.

Anyway I've rambled on enough now. Possibly complete rubbish. Let me know what you think.




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