Posted by DaisyM on September 28, 2003, at 0:10:40
In reply to Re: Using Sessions Better - Need Advice » DaisyM, posted by fallsfall on September 27, 2003, at 17:58:17
Thanks for the feedback. It makes me feel better about what is going on...like it is allowed, a normal part of the process somehow. I have talked to my therapist somewhat about how hard it is for me to really give up control and "we've" agreed that I will not take care of him...at least I will try to not do that and he will call me on it if he thinks I am. I am still trying not to feel guilty and selfish about this process...it is so one sided and not what I'm use to! We've talked about this too...I want him to give me reasons that I should keep coming beyond "I want to" and he keeps trying to convince me that "wanting to" is reason enough. (Of course, he does have a list of other reasons -- my original list when I first came--so if I push, he will remind me that I have "good" enough reasons for being there.)
One of my goals is to get more comfortable asking for help -- support and psychologically speaking that is. I actually called him today to tell him I was having a "train wreck" and he actually called me back. And, of course I apologized for bothering him. He laughed but nicely and we talked about what to do with these feelings.
And I posted here. So...progress. Baby steps.
His assessment was - fear of the unknown, control issues and he wondered if I was worried about "dependency" issues. He wants me to "sit" with the feelings as long as I can tolerate them (22.2 seconds so far) and try to sort out the tangle. Boy, that's hard. Who ever coined the term "mental anguish" sure got it right!
It seems like the load keeps getting harder to carry due to the amount of time I've been doing it, not the weight changing. I am definitely frustrated about the amount of time it is taking to "feel better," though my therapist is suggesting that I need to not be in such a hurry...that I might need to actually spend some time processing the changes I am feeling and grieving for what life isn't...and for what it is.
Thank you for being around to help with the "process." It seems almost as hard, and important, as the actual issues that brought me to therapy in the first place.
poster:DaisyM
thread:263778
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/263846.html