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Re: I really don't want to talk about this » HannahW

Posted by Adia on September 25, 2003, at 17:32:02

In reply to I really don't want to talk about this, posted by HannahW on September 24, 2003, at 21:10:37

Dear Hannah,
Hi...
I just wanted to reach out and let you know I am thinking of you.
I have read what Pfinstegg has shared and I agree that maybe you can give her some more time to see if she's right for you..or not...
I am not quite sure..In my case I feel that I need my therapist to be emotionally there with me and to feel she cares and is involved and shows empathy...I don't feel I would be able to make progress at all, or share things if she wasn't like that. But I know not everyone needs the same...
I am not sure about your therapist, I would like you to feel she's more involved...
But maybe it's just a matter of building more trust and you will be able to make progress with her..
I guess I would try to explain to her how I'm feeling...what you have shared here...
I wouldn't want to keep all that to myself.
I hope you can soon start leaving the sessions feeling more hopeful...it concerns me that you say you never feel good after sessions..Have you shared that with her....?
I am thinking of you and I wish you the best with your therapy. I hope you can soon find out or feel sure in your heart if she's good for you or not.
Sending you my support,
Adia.

> I had my session today. We talked about the "wall" I throw up whenever I feel someone has rejected me. And that led to talking about rejection in general. This is a very soft and sensitive spot for me, and as she talked (she spent almost the whole time talking--shut UP already!) my body grew increasingly tense, and I felt more and more sick to my stomach.
>
> How can I talk about rejection with someone who rejected me? (Before she was my therapist, just my pdoc, and I asked her out for coffee?) I know I'll have to talk to her about it, and I have, to some degree, but I certainly don't feel resolved. I'm actually a little ticked because I think she sees me as merely a patient, rather than a whole person.
>
> Yuck. I wish she was more empathethic, rather than clinical. This could be a really emotional topic for me, and I imagine it's tough to be the only one in the room experiencing any emotion. I wish I felt like she actually cared. She helps me make good connections, and asks good questions, so I think she's a good therapist. But I never feel good when I leave her office. After she rejected me, I put up one of those walls so she won't have another opportunity to reject me, which I know is going to prevent me from connecting with her again. That could very well account for my not feeling good when I leave.
>
> I had an impulse today to get up and walk out of her office, saying that I wasn't ready to talk about it. But that would be stupid. If we've touched on what may be the core of my depression, I need to face it. But can I face it with her? Experiencing the rejection from her is probably the best thing that could happen to me, therapy-wise, but it's so painful when she's directly involved, instead of me just telling her about other situations in which I've felt rejected.


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poster:Adia thread:263065
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