Posted by Alleecat64 on August 5, 2003, at 22:57:55
In reply to Re: Borderline Personality and domestic abuse » Alleecat64, posted by fallsfall on August 5, 2003, at 17:55:24
Thanks for all the information. Even though I realize how he feels, I think I will tell him that I realize that it IS reality for him. I just don't know how to tell him that his reality is not something I can argue, he will get so pissed off about things about me, yet they aren't in my control. What could I possibly say to be believed.
For instance, he believes that I have cheated on him. One, I would never do that to him, and 2 I would never do that to someone else.
Everytime I let him know that I am not indespensable to his abuse, he will bring up his fear of me leaving him. I tell him that if I have stayed through all the abuse for more than two years what makes him believe I am going to leave him now. I guess it goes back to that fear of abandonment. I realize there is nothing I can do or say to remove his fear of abandonment b/c it is imagined.
I explained to him tonight that I have a thresh hold of how much abuse I can take while still being able to function. First thing he says is if I am going to leave him do it now. But I wasn't telling him that, I told him that b/c it's not something I can handle anymore (and I have been suffering for major depression for the past 6 years). Anyway, what I told him was, because I can't take those things anymore, and there is nothing I can do or say to appease him, that it is in his control to change the situation or try to make it better with help.
Is there anything you think I can say to him about it being okay to get help. That it is not a sign of weakness, that we all are not equipped with all the essential tools for life all the time, so occasionally we do need help from outside sources.
Well, I now that people who have BPD don't necessarily have the same exact personalities, b/c obviously this one is rageful and abusive, but maybe you have some suggestion of what you think would be helpful, and even if you don't it means alot to me that you have listened and replied. Talk to you soon
poster:Alleecat64
thread:248185
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030711/msgs/248449.html