Posted by Bob on May 30, 2003, at 2:44:30
In reply to Re: Refractory Bitterness, Anger, and Resentment, posted by noa on May 29, 2003, at 16:59:21
> It is a grief process.
>
> I have gone through it too. It is hard.
>
> But one thing to remember--the habit of comparing and measuring oneself to others nearly always leaves us feeling inadequate, and only becomes another way to beat ourselves up.
>
> Maybe, when you find yourself going there, or hanging there too long, try to divert the attention a bit to some self-empathy, as if talking to another griever: talk to yourself in sympathy about how hard it is to accept loss. Just to provide comforting. But try to veer away from the bitter comparisons of self to others.
>
> I allowed myself to be angry at the disease. But the real bite of the bitterness didn't start to abate until I started realizing that I was still blaming myself for the disease, and needed to begin to let go of that.
>
> It is unfair. It stinks. Depression creates lots of loss. I found it helpful to grieve the loss, but then to try to find a way to move on. Moving on did not mean forgetting my grief, it just meant learning not to be so consumed by it. But it is a process.
>
> It is possible to find a way to make some peace with this. But it does take time, and it is an ongoing process even when it gets more peaceful, it is something that I revisit every so often, although in a more contained way than I used to.
>
> I know it sounds rather trite, but I really do think that finding a place to volunteer for people who need and will appreciate your help and presence, can really help. First, it can help maintain the perspective that yeah, I got it a lot worse than many, but better than many, too. And it feels so good to feel wanted and appreciated.
>
> Hope this makes sense.
>
>Actually, the suggestion of volunteering makes a lot of sense, as one of the big problems I have is my empty days. They end up being filled with thoughts of how ineffectual and worthless I am compared to those who do things in their lives (which is just about everyone I know). Maybe if I can struggle to get out and volunteer, I may alleviate some of this self-bashing. You have many good points in your post, and I thank you for your input.
Bob
poster:Bob
thread:229646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/230150.html