Posted by WorryGirl on May 28, 2003, at 8:41:28
In reply to Refractory Bitterness, Anger, and Resentment, posted by Bob on May 28, 2003, at 3:27:19
>I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety for over a decade now and in the past few years it as become a very bitter issue for me, as I perceive that I will now never be like my peers, who have far outstripped me in every capacity imaginable. I constantly compare myself to my friends and acquaintances and invariably am very unhappy with the results I get. Whenever I visit friends or talk with them, it is almost a constant spotlight on my frailties and shortcomings (e.g.: I no longer work and am on LTD, I am almost nonfunctional and do very little with my days, I have almost no emotional stability, I have many physical problems now that no doctor seems to be able to diagnose). On the other hand, most of the people I grew up with have gone on to fantastic jobs in great cities (NY, SF) making mad money. They are all paired off now and most have kids. The on example that doesn't is waiting. I'm not exaggerating here. The world has passed me by and I can't seem to put it out of my mind.
>Bob,
It can be hard not to compare your life with other people's lives, especially when theirs seems so together.Almost everyone I know, or observe, rich or poor, attractive or not, happily married or not, I somehow see as having it together more than me. I'm always subconsciously looking for what makes them better than me in some way - they are more educated, more popular, prettier, etc., you get the drift. But this attitude has begun to take its toll on me and I'm determined to stop this attitude before my self-esteem is a huge sinkhole.
Lately I am starting to try not comparing myself with anyone else, because invariably it will defeat me. Instead of comparing myself and looking for what doesn't seem as "good" as someone else's I try to see everyone as merely human, with their weaknesses, too.
I will appreciate their successes, but know that they have their problems, too. We all do, of course, but it can seem sometimes like someone else's life is so much more successful.
Try to realize that there are many people out there with the perfect job, house, or family life from all outward appearances, but they could be dealing with some serious issues, and might be putting on a facade. I think everyone puts on a facade to an extent. There are days where I feel that this world is so fake - everyone wants everyone else to see what they want them to see.Start focusing on YOUR life and no one else's. Look for the smallest successes as well as the bigger. Don't be afraid to give yourself a pat on the back every now and then. It's the small successes that will hopefully build into the feeling of a bigger success.
I sympathize because I so often feel as you do, and it is only lately that I've really been trying to make a change.
Children are wonderful (I have two) but there is a freedom you will never have with children that you can take advantage of. Children come with a different set of stresses, such as judgment by others on how you raise them, etc.
Don't worry about stuff like that. Save your money and take a trip, alone or with friends. Do whatever it is that you enjoy, even if it's just sleeping in, sitting on the hotel balcony overlooking a beach view, or reading.You don't deserve to feel so inadequate compared to everyone else - you're not.
I sincerely wish the best for you.
poster:WorryGirl
thread:229646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030407/msgs/229681.html