Posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 0:14:09
In reply to Re: spending a fortune on therapy » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2002, at 23:02:57
To those who asked, I do have insurance. It's actually really good right now, but I use so much time, even with all they pay I still spend a lot.
In general I believe in long-term therapy for growth. I think of it as continuing education. I also agree with the maintenance idea. I know even with meds I'm still vulnerable to setbacks brought on by stress, so I need extra support (which I currently don't have anyplace else). I don't really mind the feeling of dependence (at least I think I don't). It's just such an expensive service to be dependent on, and my need shows no sign of decreasing after all this time. I keep thinking what if I quit, and then see it completely differently, and have regrets. You know how you can be stuck in a crappy love relationship or belief system for ages, then once you get away from it, you get perspective, and see how it wasn't really so great, and how much it was really costing.
Yet I feel like I'd die without it. I just get this huge feeling of pressure from events (mostly work right now). If I didn't have the outlet of the sessions, I don't know what I'd do.
Well you get the picture -- I'm conflicted!
And I do talk about this stuff with her. Which is of course absurd. Maybe this is just the new cloak of my resistance. For the first several years, I was constantly having an internal argument about whether I should be going to therapy at all. I'd go in with my complaints about therapy to her, and she'd just put out there her reasons for thinking it was helping me, and they didn't really sink in, but at one point I just decided to have faith in her. Long after that, I noticed I no longer had the internal struggle about it. I think what happened is that it started feeling like a relief to go, instead of feeling like it was just stirring up more pain. So for many more years, I just went on auto-pilot because it felt good to go. Now my only reservation is how much I spend.
I'll be shopping or something, and be reluctant to spend $20 on something, and the contrast just hits me between that and how much I rather thoughtlessly shell out each week for talk-time. It seems so shameful! Maybe it's the old entitlement issue again-- that voice that says I don't deserve so much support, even if I can afford it right now. Like shame on you, you shouldn't need so much therapy.
As I type this, I'm thinking shame on me for such a long post! And for being so confused. Sheesh.
poster:Tabitha
thread:1889
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1910.html