Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 12, 2006, at 21:40:16
In reply to Re: Just to put a face on the picture... » deirdrehbrt, posted by James K on February 12, 2006, at 18:35:39
James,
Thanks so much for sharing so much of yourself.
It's kind of interesting. The first time that I realized that I could truly be who I was, as opposed to who people wanted me to be was at a *wedding / commitment ceremony* between two men.
The ceremony itself was a wonder. It was at a UU church in Portsmouth NH. I attended it pre-transition. Until that time, I had always feared relationships with men. I was afraid someone might *find me out*. I learned something very important that day that I think most straight men will never have the opportunity of learning. That is that a kiss between two men doesn't have to be sexual. It can mean 'thank you', it can mean 'I'm so happy you're my friend', it can mean 'I love you', It can mean so much, but straight men are (for the most part) terrified to find this out.
That lesson will stick with me forever. I also learned that day that there are really people who can choose to be themselves and be happy. It took me quite a few years to implement that lesson though. Overcoming fear and personal prejudice (against myself) took a while. I never had a problem with other people being GLBT, but having it pounded into my head that I was going to hell because of it was hard to get over.
Anyway, thanks for the post. I'm really glad you shared. When it comes to gay marriage, I think that people look at it differently when it has to do with someone they know and are fond of. It's sort of like "Well, you two really love each other, and I love you both, so it's OK for you". (assuming they are able to bypass their biasses enough to get to know you) On a theoretical level, they still believe it's wrong. The stereotypes and lessons from the church still stick.
It's tough. I think that part of my mission in life is to show people that I'm not a monster. I need to love people, and let them get to know and love me. One of my roommates is this huge man who doesn't like transsexuals, probably doesn't like gays either. He likes me though. I hope that someday he translates that to others. If he can like one LGBT, maybe he can like others.
Sharing and telling your story are important. It helps dispel the negative ideas that people have about who we are. We're first, and foremost, people, just like them, with mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters, and possibly children. We have dreams and loves and likes and dislikes. We want to live out our lives with the people we love around us. We want good jobs and to care for our families, and to live in a safe place. We want to be able to marry the person whom we love and choose to spend the rest of our lives with. We want to contribute to our societies, and to be recognized for who we are. Nothing different from anybody else.
Maybe, if minds can be opened, we'll achieve that. As for now, a large part of that dream doesn't exist. It's still a dream.
Blessings,
--Deirdre
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:607584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20060204/msgs/609061.html