Posted by calamityjane on August 10, 2008, at 19:49:15
In reply to Re: Suicide » calamityjane, posted by daveuk08 on August 10, 2008, at 13:32:42
> Calamity jane,
> I don`t visit to many of the boards,I mainly go into social.But I`ve just read your thread,and its described virtualy everything I`m going through since Slinky died,what you say is true about as each day goes by, instead of getting easier it gets harder, and the "ifs" get more.
> I had to go to the social security office to sort out my incapcity claim,the girl that I saw, read the death certificate, and said to me you pore thing,she had lost her boyfriend many years ago to the same way as I lost Slinky, I asked her how did she get over it, she replied you don`t,you can only try to live with it,but it just is always in your head ,and every now and then it reappears.Its now 3mths since Slinky took her own life, but still my head is throbing, by body is hurting,and I`m still finding it hard to concentrate on doing things,the only time I feel any peace within my head is when I feel that I`m actually helping others here who have problems,as I tried to do with Slinky.
> One day my life will get back on track,I just hope it will be sooner rather than later.
I am so glad that you read what I wrote, because this is all pretty new for you still, and I am sure you dont even know what to expect each day upon waking. I imagine that friends and family dont really know what to say to you right now, or how to act around you. They may pretend like nothing ever happened. because suicide is not like death. its different.
You are feeling something right now that the average person will never know or understand. You are living in a brand new world now, one that you never knew. There is one thing that has remained the same, however, and that is the fact that YOU are still in control of your own future. She may have taken one path away from you - that path that had her in your life. But YOU still get to choose your next path. And while YES, you will be forced to leave her behind, with each day CERTAINLY taking you further from her, the world still remains to be one where we can make new paths and new lives.
I think of my father EVERY SINGLE DAY. The pain is real and it hurts. I anticipate it will be there forever. Jerks that just dont get it think that I CHOOSE to be sad. That I could snap my fingers and "get over it". I want to slap them in the face. But I just keep calm and remind myself that "they couldnt possibly understand" and I smile and nod and tell them I'm working on it.
Oh, anyway - sorry to ramble. Its a topic very close to my heart. Jan will be 23 years. And every single day I still have to ask myself " Did he REALLY do this? Did he REALLLY???????"
For now, focus on preparing a good and solid foundation for keeping her memory alive. I dont have many memories of my dad, nor do i have a family that cared enough about me at the time to do that for me. 20 years from now you are going to miss her just as much as you do now. and you will want to remember her the way you do right now. but it wont be so easy to recall, when that time comes.