Posted by calamityjane on June 5, 2008, at 14:29:44
Is terrible. When a person kills himself, he does not kill the pain he is feeling. Instead, he leaves it behind as a sort of inheritance for his friends and family to live with. They will live with it for the rest of their lives. It will never go away, and it will haunt them. They will play the "what if" game constantly, over and over in their heads. Every day they will think of the person and they will feel a feeling that is unlike any other. Time does not make it better, if anything, time makes it worse. Because each day that passes brings you one more day further from a time when you had that person. You want to go back so badly, to the point that you actually begin to believe in silly things like time travel and alternate universes. Your only hope is to see them again in Heaven, but even that is uncertain. You question if God will still let them in. This leads to questioning God himself. If the pain of the depression wasnt hell enough, why would God send that person to another hell for eternity? Then you begin to wonder if you would choose hell over heaven, if it meant getting to hug and hold the person you loved one last time.
I miss my Daddy so so much. He died Jan 27, 1986 - one day before the Challenger space shuttle exploded. The Challenger had initally been scheduled for launch two days before, but was postponed. It exploded anyway. Sometimes I wonder if it had not been postponed, would my dad have seen the explosion and the devastation, and if it would have revived some sense of will to live?
Or if prozac had of been released in 1985 instead of 1987. Or if they would have tried a new doctor, instead of trusting the quack they trusted for several years.
If only......
If only......
If only......OR
If only I could just let it go.......
poster:calamityjane
thread:833136
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20070414/msgs/833136.html