Posted by llrrrpp on September 6, 2006, at 7:40:26
In reply to Re; Why? What? » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on September 5, 2006, at 23:01:46
Hey Jost (and others)
Umm, my green pepper smoothie comment was clearly an effect of a seroquelled brain. It's a fair bet that any post after 11:30 est is going to be silly, and if I attempt to fight the seroquel, it's going to get even more ridiculous and uncoordinated.
Jost, you wrote:
"but what she said was so resonant with what I worry about when I work with people-- that this is going through their heads--
I just haven't felt quite myself since she said these things to me. She's also supposed to come tomorrow."
Well, is it possible that she is not a bad person, it's just that the work is not that exciting to her? She wants to be there, otherwise she would not have come. Maybe she's there for the money. Maybe she's there for a break from her other carreer, maybe she's there because she said she would be. I guess my point is that we all do things for different reasons.
When my husband asks me to iron his slacks, I protest. I HATE ironing, but I also know that he only asks me about once a year, and it's a complete emergency. It's my *choice* to do it though. As grumpy as it makes me, I'm still doing it. Maybe my heart and soul is not poured into that work. Maybe my husband feels terrible for asking me (yes, he does-- because the bitc*y look on my face is worth going to the dry cleaners on a weekly basis.) I do it because I know that he doesn't want to look like a fool with two crumples and 3 creases running down the front of his slacks.
He used to get really upset with me when I seemed so grumpy to do this work. I always said- I'm not grumpy with you, I'm grumpy with the iron and your pants. I'm not very good at this, even though I'm better than you.
Jost, I know it's really hard to recognize that your coworkers may get frustrated with the work without it being a judgment against you personally. I think that the statement above is really illuminating. She's crying because she does care about you, and because she's a nice person. It's just that if you force anyone into a corner, they're going to admit that they'd rather be doing something else at the moment.
I hate it when my coworker is bitc*y and mean to me because she's having a bad day (she's a complete narcissist. She's so crazy she doesn't even KNOW she's crazy). I hate it that there are large portions of our project that are completely uninteresting to her, like 2 years of data collection. I hate it that neither one of us is really happy to be working on the 47th draft of the f*cking paper. But I bet she doesn't like it that I am not motivated to enter the data that took 2 years to collect, even though the number punching would only take a day or so. I bet she doesn't like it that I don't ever look on the publisher's website to find out the submission guidelines. Ultimately, we have to accept our coworkers as imperfect flawed humans who may be motivated for the wrong reasons, or not at all.
You've said before that your work is your life. Maybe, but it's not your ENTIRE life! you still have p-babble, and your Sig Other, and your dishes to wash, and your books to read.
((((Jost)))) don't be so hard on yourself. You're so committed to your work that you live inside of it like a bubble. Don't let it tint your entire world. I hope your T gets back soon. That sounds really hard. Until then, be kind to yourself. Keep writing, and keep the status quo at the workplace. sounds like it can't get much worse, but at least they keep on showing up, right?
I like you just fine, even on your bad days ((((Jost)))))
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:682714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060827/msgs/683613.html