Posted by Jost on September 5, 2006, at 23:01:46
In reply to Re: You are Enough. That's enough. » Jost, posted by llrrrpp on September 4, 2006, at 23:21:05
Why did I say something weird?
I'd reread it, but it might give a bad dreams.
Wikipedia? Did I say something wikipedian?
Today was weird, because I saw my T for the first time in 5 weeks, then bought some stuff at the Salvation Army-- there was a ton of stuff there, too-- and spent a few hours at the gym.
Not exactly productive-- but a confrontation with a potential co-worker yesterday has me thrown.
Sort of went like this:
Me: When we're working, I get this feeling that you're bored, that you really don't like the job, that you'd rather be somewhere else (etc to that effect)
Co-w: Uh, well has any other co-worker every said they LIKED this job???
Me: well, they seem to be "into" it-- I don't know what they're thinking, but I don't get the feeling that they'd rather be somewhere else
Co-w: I've talked to other people who have done this work, and none ever said anything about being EXCITEd about it, or about WANTING do it.
Me: um, I don't expect this to be exactly a "peak experience" for my co-workers, because it is my work, and not as much their work--although they are an important part of it--but there are people who seem to be able to get into it [I describe a bit about what that comes across like]--
Co-w: This isn't even a "job" to me-- a "job" is when I"m doing [x]-- (her primary career, which different from what I do with her]-- This (ie what she does with me) isn't even a job, to me--I could be sitting in the park doing nothing, or I can come here...and get paid... [her job is involves a lot of physicality] ... and in my job I'm moving, this isn't even concentrating...
Me: Well, have you ever read a book? because that doesn't involve physical movement, but there are books you enjoy, and books where you can't get into them-- and it's the same with this-- for some people there's a type of concentration and focus, and for others, it might be boring...
Co-w: [starts crying] Okay, NOW I don't want to do this job...NOW you've made me uncomfortable with your comments........
~~~This wasn't the exact conversation, but she literally said the things above-- and much more along those lines. Eventually I calmed her down, and she got more into the work, although greatly wanted to ask her to leave-- but would have felt so awful and empty if I had.
She was being unkind and thoughtless-- I can't convey her affect of somewhat anger and somewhat dismissal, and somewhat who- the-hell- do-you-think- you-are-- She clearly had no conception of my having feelings or any idea that I might feel put down by this all-out assault on my hope that people might want, or at least feel into working for, and doing a good job, with me--as if it was obviously the most tedious, boring, empty exercise in the world--
but what she said was so resonant with what I worry about when I work with people-- that this is going through their heads--
I just haven't felt quite myself since she said these things to me. She's also supposed to come tomorrow.
I need to discuss this with my T, obviously-- but it gives me the creeps (to use a phrase) to think about the whole conversation. I guess I should have told her to get lost-- I can't imagine why I didnt. I guess I should-- I don't know why it would be so hard to. Like I need to be able to nullify what she said-- or keep it in front of me, so I won't forget the danger. I don't know.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:682714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060827/msgs/683547.html