Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2006, at 0:55:55
In reply to Approval, and anxiety, and being Good Enough, posted by Racer on September 2, 2006, at 20:43:06
I think if we try to work our way into being Good Enough, we're doomed to failure. To broadly paraphrase Touched By An Angel, some people's best efforts might be mighty towers, while others might only manage a few rickety steps. But however much we might try to achieve by our own efforts, we are often doomed to fall short. Whatever we might succeed in achieving in whatever is important to us, most humans are bound to wish to achieve even more. If we've made it this far, surely we can reach a bit higher. And if we tie our self worth solely to achievement, that makes it even more impossible.
In religion, there's the concept of grace, called by different names in different religions. I can't believe there isn't a secular version of grace, although I'm really terrible at synonyms. I did an internet search, and the most secular equivilant I could easily reach was lovingkindness.
The basic idea being that maybe you can't, maybe none of us can, be Good Enough by our own efforts. But that the good news is that we don't have to earn being Good Enough. Being Good Enough is a gift we give ourselves through acceptance and love, or a gift we give others and others give us through acceptance and love. Not a gift that's earned, entirely, because it can't be.
Goodness knows that people who have tried to earn it from those unwilling to give it have to realize that it can't be earned.
And those who have gotten it when they know they did nothing to deserve it realize that it can't be earned.
Well, not past a certain extent anyway. I'm not a huge believer in totally unconditional love.
So maybe part of the answer is to realize that being Good Enough isn't a goal to achieve through perfection, but rather through opening your heart to be loving and accepting and giving to yourself. Perhaps a lovingkindness meditation starting with yourself as recipient.
Or maybe I'm all wet, because it really is hard for me to separate my ideas on the subject from the concept of Grace. A gift that by definition doesn't have to be earned.
Or to put it in canine terms. One of my dogs seizures, and isn't too bright. Is he Good Enough for me to love him? Of course he is! But he wasn't Good Enough for his previous owner. He hasn't changed. The one in a position to offer acceptance and approval has changed.
poster:Dinah
thread:682455
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060827/msgs/682551.html