Posted by violette on June 26, 2010, at 17:00:10
In reply to Re: wording of public 'rephrasing requests', posted by Dr. Bob on June 22, 2010, at 21:46:01
"Do you see my requests as more shaming or guilt-tripping?" -Bob
Hi Bob,
I see the manner in which you ostracize a person as shaming. My conclusion is based primarily upon what I learned from reading Bradshaw's work; your requests are similar to how some abusive families shame its members. It seems like an odd policy for a mental health professional to employ on a mental health related forum.
Some people might not be familar with, or do not wish to know about the possible effects of shame on their inner state, though others have provided examples of that awareness. It would be ideal if everyone who experiences your ostracization turned the situation around to a positive. And although I have no one particular in mind, it could trigger new members...in addition to regular members who may or may not be silent about this....Some newer members may be new and not realize making 'generalizations' in casual speech or pointing out, for example, someone who posts with bullying intent, are uncivil acts.
As for me personally, I'd rather individually address someone directly to settle a conflict or potential conflict rather than asking you or being forced to accept your 'coming to the rescue'. I've done it before and have seen others do it without escalations. I've seen alot of apologies to one another recently-to clarify misunderstandings or perceptions of negative feelings associated with mere disagreements. That seems to work, though I can certainly see how things can progress to greater conflict.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I realize you can't make everyone happy here; but, at the same time, some of the administrative policies here seem way "off" to me.
When I use this forum, I can't help but think about the potential harm to others who may (or may not) already have internalized shame/self-worth issues, and am just trying to prevent that from happening in the small way that I can or possibly can. Thanks
poster:violette
thread:951716
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100321/msgs/952281.html