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Fell off the wagon

Posted by Prefect on August 11, 2018, at 10:24:59

Last sunday I fell off the wagon again, after full abstinence since april. For a week, I didn't go to work, and all I did is knock myself out with booze and put myself to sleep. Yesterday I gathered my will and stopped, and now have been fully alcohol free for 24 hours.

I'm so tired of this. I'm not an alcoholic, it's just the only thing that gives me relief from whatever this is that I have. None of the serotonin drugs have worked. Currently on the highest available dose of Trintellix, and it's done about as much as a vitamin pill I can get at a health food store.

My ex-wife thinks I should have myself admitted to a mood clinic. But I don't even know how to explain my condition to them. Depression? Anxiety? none of it fully fits. My diaphragm pushes up into my chest the moment I open my eyes, my head tremors all day, my eyes don't properly focus, I'm agitated and can't concentrate. I have this constant urge to roll my left eye to the middle to stop sensory overload when I'm driving. How do you explain all this to a pdoc? They don;t know what to do with me. All they give me are damn SSRIs.

I'm so tired.




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