Posted by chocamine on November 23, 2008, at 15:43:23
In reply to Re: A question, posted by linkadge on November 23, 2008, at 8:56:35
No, it wasn't.
It is really strange actually because 2007 was a really great year for me. Then, in January 2008 it got even better in college (was doing surprisingly well and was socializing more than I ever have in school before). I was in the best shape of my life. Then finally things really kicked into high gear in May and that is when the mania and delusions started and I crashed at the end of August.
I gotta say though... if I have not said it already. Those 3 months that I was manic were the best 3 months of my entire life. Bar none. This could be a little dangerous for me since it a seductive thing.
I'll look into all your guys' suggestions especially abilify.
Unfortunately, my psychiatrist really wanted to try me out on an SSRI before a TCA or MAO so I sort of let it fly... he was very keen on an antipsychotic though, but I'm deathly afraid of the weight gain.
Is the lithium worth keeping?
My biggest problem right now is the stress. Even though 10mg Valium daily is keeping my anxiety somewhat at bay, the stress has already caused 25% of my facial hair to fall out. It's so depressing. Too high cortisol from the stress no doubt... it's a vicious cycle because unfortunately, I'm a bit of a nerd and I know what it is doing to my brain and hippocampus as every day goes by... so I worry that my brain is shrinking and I'll always have residual effects from this episode that will haunt me 'til the end of days.
On the bright side, I'm not feeling very tired and despite my lack of motivation, I have the energy to do most things if I absolutely had to do them. I find this rather strange because I'd expect myself to be sleeping all day in a situation like this.
Blah.. I'm worried about so many things I don't think it's worth listing it all. Stuff like residual cognitive loss... PTSD (the depression traumatized the sh*t out of me), etc.
I had to cut off all contact with my friends and isolate myself at home when this all started because my behavior went from a charismatic party animal to a vegetable (literally). They probably think I'm dead or something.
I tried once going out with a few friends and I just felt terrible. I know everyone recommends going out and having social support but I HATE being around people right now. It just makes me feel worse, no matter who I'm with.
As a last note, I was never even remotely suicidal in my entire life but the first week the depression hit me, I was already considering it. Like I said, it was just so traumatizing because my brain was functioning in a way that I never could fathom. I never thought a human being could feel that way. I thought I would not make it past a week but here I am at month 4. If the meds have done anything it is probably that I am no longer suicidal or maybe I've just come to terms that this is it... this is what it is and I can't do anything about it.
I don't know if this is a typical symptom of severe depression but I get a jolt of anxiety whenever I think of something positive. Like when I think of the incredibly fun time I had with my friends in the months prior it instantly makes me panic because I feel like I'll never get to experience that again. The feeling of pleasure feels so foreign and inconceivable and yet I have a deep longing for it. There's just no way to explain it but it is the deepest pit of hell that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
> Was your manic episode invoked by the use of any substance ? ... chocamine ?
>
> Linkadge
poster:chocamine
thread:864627
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081123/msgs/864888.html