Posted by Amandafran on August 18, 2007, at 22:22:03
Being just recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder...last week. I started Lithium. I have heard that it takes a minimum of 5 days to start working but I was so messed up to begin with that it worked literally within 24-48 hours. Which was a blessing. BUT. Now, I feel like I have lost practically my entire life until now. I have never known what it feels like to be "normal"...the medicine has made me feel "normal". People always tell me no one is normal...but I honestly now believe that there is a sense of normalicy that certain people have...and being on this medicine for the 1st time in my life...I feel like a totally normal person...(I know that in reality it is the medicine making me feel this good) but my question is...how can I make up for the lost time...all the years that I never could figure out what was wrong with me and my parents never wanted to get me tested for personality disorders or depression or anything...and so I spent my entire life until now having the worst moods, depression, anger spells, eratic driving when I was older...(I would go out driving at all hours of the night...just because ....)
It makes me so upset and angry that I cannot make up for the lost years of my life. Maybe I am overreacting to this...but I am 28 years old and I have never been in a relationship because I have been so unstable...all my friendships have been broken, my relationships with my family members is strained...I just wish I could start over knowing what I know now.
What is the answer now...to just live my life to the fullest any way that I want to ...to make up for the lost years...?
I was previously looking to be in a relationship with any guy I Could find..and yet it just didnt work...and now I come to find that that was while I was in a manic phase....but now...now that I am more stable, Im not ready to get back into the 'dating arena" because I want to be as calm and stable as possible before I go looking for a relationship. Not once have I ever been on a date because no one has ever liked me for my personality..and why should they? I was horrible...my ups and downs have been crazy and yet all my life it has been all i have known and so I have learned to acccept it for who I am...and THAT ISNT ME.
I just want to know how to move forward and not let this upset me like it is.
poster:Amandafran
thread:777020
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070815/msgs/777020.html