Posted by laima on February 21, 2007, at 8:00:07
In reply to why are benzodiazpines abused? like opiates..., posted by rjlockhart on February 21, 2007, at 0:16:34
Well, I have a story as to how and why stims could be abused. Once upon a time, I saw a, how shall I say, "untalented" psychiatrist who had me on a very complicated and unhelpful regimine. Each week she stopped or started a new powerful med, such as effexor, with no tapering or mention of withdrawal. She wanted me to take about 8-10 meds at a time- no joke! I was very emotionally volotile and SEVERLY depressed. And I just stopped taking any of it. One day soon after, I thought, hmm, I have this bottle of ritalin- what would happen if I took a full handful? I couldn't be worse...so I did. And within a half hour I experienced euphoria. You can imagine how amazing that felt, what a relief it was! I went out and did all kinds of things: projects, books, all kinds of stuff. I felt great! Better than great! But every time it wore off, I took another handful to deal with the rebound depression-and finally a handful of klonopin to sleep. I knew this regimine wasn't a hot idea, but figured a couple days of relief was better than no relief. I thought I had no other hope to ever feel anything tolerable, so I went through an entire month supply of ritalin within about 2-3 days. I told her I lost the bottle several times, and she kept refilling it! I quickly developed a tolerance, and used even more. It was a mess, I was very unstable. When she finally cut me off, telling me I was an abuser, I really crashed. Doctors I met later were appalled by her treatments, and fully understood why I did what I did, though of course they disaproved. They put me on a much simpler regimine, and told me my depression was likely worsened by the complicated and unstable one she had me on. (Let's see, to be taken all together, a sample regimine would have included: prozac, zyprexa, neurontion, klonopin, efexor, wellbutrin, desipramine, ritalin, concerta.) They made me promise to run, not walk, from anyone who ever tried to prescribe to me this way in the future-no kidding!
I no longer have any desire to abuse stims - not worth it in any way. Not worth the extreme emotional instability, the rebound depression, and I am aware that my affect wasn't "normal". I avoided people because I knew I was acting oddly. A couple close friends told me later that I wasn't acting normally- I was jerky, jittery, and way too intense, way too busy, and speedy. (How embarressing.) I also know now that that sort of euphoria or level of activity isn't normal. I'm sure it was also dangerous, for heart, no doubt otherwise, too. Yes, like I said, not worth it, but it was so irressitable for awhile- I believed I had no other hope to ever feel anything other than very dark despair unless I did this, but fortunately I was wrong. I use a very small amount of adderall now, but haven't had any desire to abuse it-and it's working out very well. I also used reasonable amounts of ritalin shortly afte being restabilized, and it worked out alright, too. I think the key was that I was finally on a simple regimine that I understood and believed in, including a helpful antidepressent, and got a new doctor who I actually have faith in.
poster:laima
thread:734714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070219/msgs/734778.html