Posted by liliths on November 18, 2006, at 14:33:27
In reply to consider buprenorphine » liliths, posted by pseudoname on November 18, 2006, at 11:57:40
Thank you so much!
I know what you mean about not being sure if the meds are still working or it's just that life's dumping on you. I'm pretty much in the same place but I'm fairly sure it's what's going on in my life that's taking me down. The bad part is that my reaction to it has me in a nose-dive I'm not sure I'll be able to pull out of. But I definitely wouldn't have made it this far without the benefits of my 'full' cocktail. I may not be doing a very good job of living, but I'm still alive.
The way you related your experience really resonated with me - I'd just love to think (and mean it! :): "why on earth did I want to kill myself?"
I'll bring it up with my pdoc and see how he responds after my current nightmare is resolved. I don't want to make any changes while I'm having to defend the ones I'm already on.
In a nutshell, I graduated from school for Massage Therapy with high honors in May, aced my boards scoring "high" in all content areas in August and when I filled out the form to the Dept. of Health for my license, was honest about being treated for depression/add/anxiety. My pdoc told me they weren't allowed to discriminate against me and I did believe my records would speak for themselves, including the documentation I provided.
HAH! They referred me into a system for Impaired Practitioners. I had to have a psychiatric evaluation from one of their doctors (at my own expense) and as I was leaving the eval, this pdoc sprung a "verified" drug test as part of the process (of course, also at my own expense). Want to feel degraded? Go urinate in front of a lab tech, whose job is to 'closely watch'
I've barely left the house for months. I got the 'results' of the evaluation and it was good, except that, of course, he wants to change my meds! Writes that I'm doing well on my current regimen but he doesn't see the need for the hydrocodone or the klonopin. How much sense does THAT make? Gee... she's doing well on her meds, she must not need them? Isn't that usually considered a sign of a severe disorder? sheesh..
All my paperwork still needs to go before a committee before a final determination is made:
a) they could deny me a license for any or no reason
b) they could just grant me the damn thing
c) they can make me sign a contract for a 'conditional' license, meaning I'd have to submit documentation of continued treatment
d) see c) BUT they can also make me have another interview with the Massage Review Board before issuing the license and they don't meet again until the end of Januaryc) or d) are the most likely outcomes. My biggest concern is his 'recommendation'. I don't know if they can make issuing me a license provisional on changing my meds. Which I won't do.
It's been so long since I've even done anything and I have been so broken by this process, I honestly don't even see myself practicing anymore.
anyway, I 'should' hear from them in a few weeks.
sorry for spilling... this is something I won't really talk about with anyone I know. I simply can't discuss it without getting hysterical, furious, feeling ashamed and crying. I do that daily with myself anyway. No sense embarrassing myself further. It's hard enough to go out. Dealing with talking about this would make it impossible
well if you've actually made it this far, I honestly want to thank you for reading.
and thanks again for the links, you've been very helpful :)
namaste,
lilith
> buprenorphine for depression: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/psycho-babble-tips/links/buprenorphine_for_de_001146748536/
>
> You may want to look at this Babble Tips page of links I put together about buprenorphine (Subutex®, Buprenex®), an opioid used in the U.S. mostly to treat people in opioid addiction recovery programs. There are links to copies of 4 studies using buprenorphine to treat depressives in non-addicts. I have taken buprenorphine since November of last year, and it saved my life. (Google ‘buprenorphine psychobabble’ for threads about my experience and some others'.)
>
> It is not a perfect fix for me, and now, a year later, either my life is getting worse (my theory) or bupe is pooping out (also possible), and I am looking for additional help. But I would not have survived the last year without it, or, ironically, have had the energy and willpower to pursue other treatments.
>
> Buprenorphine does not make me high. I have never had an opioid buzz from it (or anything else). It just takes away my depression, especially the worst, most painful troughs. Exactly 90 minutes after taking bupe, suicidal thoughts suddenly go away, and I think, "Why on earth did I want to kill myself?!"
>
> I have experienced intermittent mild physical dependency (sweats when I go without it for 2 days, e.g.), but I do not get cravings for it. I have gone off of it three times in the last year for periods of at least 10 days; withdrawal symptoms were minimal to none. I can confidently assert that withdrawal from it is not as bad as Effexor or many other ADs.
>
> Some people have not found buprenorphine effective, and some have reported poop-out. It also carries with it, at the very least initially, typical opioid side-effects and should be started with care. Constipation was the biggest problem for me. Despite its limits in my own case, I strongly recommend that treatment-resistant depressives who are interested in it inform themselves & their doctors about buprenorphine and consider it.
>
> Babble's famous Elizabeth(our psychopharmacological goddess, as Declan has called her), finally found relief from depression in bupe. I would certainly give bupe a try before doing VNS or even ECT (which I am also currently considering).
poster:liliths
thread:704289
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20061117/msgs/704924.html