Posted by Lindenblüte on October 8, 2006, at 20:03:14
In reply to Re: My new meds » Lindenblüte, posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2006, at 17:33:02
> > > > I'm not convinced that the anxiety I feel after missing my prn dose will be much different from the anxiety I've had since January.
> > >
> > > It won't be the anxiety that you have had since January plus the anxiety that you have from withrdawal?
> >
> >I don't think that there is good evidence that tolerance develops for the anxiolytic...
>
> There is. The 'high' / drunk feeling. You will develop a tolerance for that and... Will it be an adequate substitute for alchohol then?I have not experienced any "high" or "drunk" feeling. The most difference I am feeling right now is a slight dampening in my mood, and occasionally stumbling around, spacing out. And I'm pretty groggy/fatigued at times (I could blame seroquel, but benzos are also a possibility).
In terms of a "feel good drug" Alcohols is MUCH better (for me) . after a drink, I at least feel silly giddy giggly for an hour or so. Not so with the current meds.
> You are trying to medicate the hypervigilance and flashbacks away?
yes. especially the flashbacks that make me feel traumatized and suicidal.
> > I also am realizing for the first time that I don't have to live with this tonic level of anxiety. I just assumed that everyone felt like this all the time. kind of tight in their chest. vigilant. reactive. It's really quite fascinating. Iv'e felt like this much of my life. Not all the time, but usually during periods of stress, like at the end of the semester, or when I have a lot of deadlines. I think this drug is making me realize that there are alternatives.
>
> Benzo's? A treatment for lifelong anxiety?I'm not saying that I wish to take benzos for the rest of my life, although I realize that many people choose to go that route. Actually, I kind of miss the anxiety at times. It makes me feel "alive". Does that make any sense? The daily kind of motivating stress to do my best job- I think that's a nice kind of anxiety, even if it feels kind of icky at the time, it often leads to wonderful outcomes.
The type of anxiety I would LIKE to avoid is this dull dread that says that I'm in danger. I don't know what I'm in danger FROM. I don't know where it's going to be coming from (hence hypervigilance). Some weeks I feel this often, sometimes I realize that a month has gone by and I haven't been visited by that monster in a while.
> > I'd love to explore other ways of experiencing a low-tension lifestyle. I have a feeling that yoga and exercise and meditation will certainly be beneficial. I think I will use those types of strategies in the maintenence phase of managing my anxiety.
>
> Typically people try those first and when they are doing those they find they can manage their anxiety. But sometimes people... Would rather take a pill and have a high instead of drinking and having a high. I'm concerned about you because your descriptions of what you are trying to do with taking the benzo... Put you at high risk of addiction.I'm afraid that you may get the wrong idea of "what I'm trying to do with taking the benzos". First of all, I'm not trying to get a high. I actually don't like the way I feel right now, overall. Sure, some of the anxiety is gone, but I also feel kind of dull, down, and groggy.
Second, regarding alternative strategies for reducing anxiety- In late 2005, I started practicing Vipassana meditation, spedning about 15-45 minutes on most days. I was getting to a stage where I really could get into a very quiet focus for fairly long stretches of time. What started happening was really scary, though. I guess one metaphor would be that I "turned down the volume" on the main channel, but the background noise started to become more distinct. Basically, the meditative state was producing really intense feelings and reactions that I had no way to deal with. This is one of the things that I believe triggered my severe depression in early 2006. The other thing I believe triggered it was that I started doing a form of body work that focuses on retraining basic movement patterns and muscle coordination. Although this was extremely effective on erradicating my devastating tendinitis, the work also focuses on the mind-body connection, which I had never really explored. I became more and more aware of how much tension I was holding in my body, and how this tension accumulated in different social settings, and affected my moods. I realize that it sounds totally hokey and new-agey, but when I was able to let go of my body's muscle tension, my mind's nervous anxiety only became worse. I realized that I couldn't relax my body or my mind with any amount of THOUGHT or conscious control. In the meanwhile my emotional world was beginning to erupt, and I guess my mind just kind of "shut down".
So, for me it's not so much about dealing with anxieties that life hands me (I do just fine with that, and I've managed well for 27 years-- except with the exception of solo violin performances :)
It's more about dealing with the eruption of extremely repulsive feelings, memories, thoughts, images and the anxiety that this is causing me.
Am I at risk of becoming addicted? I don't know. I've never been addicted to anything in the past. I still have a few vicodin left over from my oral surgery a few years ago. I drink the equivalent of about 2-3 drinks a week since graduating from college. I don't drink more when I'm under a lot of pressure (I do eat more chocolate and drink more coffee, though!). I am able to tell my friends that I'm done, and still stay at the pub for a few more hours drinking coke and munching on french fries. Honestly, if I were going to get addicted to anything, it would have to make me feel pretty damn good, which the current meds are not. I have yet to encounter a substance that is addictive (requires higher doses to achieve same result, prompts seeking behavior, has physiological withdrawal symptoms)
> But I guess you have made your choice.
Huh? for the past 3 days I have made a choice to swallow a little yellow pill. I'm not exactly sure why your language is so dire. It's not like I'm getting a tattoo, or having an abortion, or getting a divorce.
> I really hope it works out for you.
what do you mean by "it"? Do you mean the little yellow pill I took this morning? or the fact that I have a bottle of them in my closet somewhere? Do you mean the whole med change thing? My whole treatment plan? My life?
>
> PS. The reason people typically try exercise etc first is because sometimes the benzo's are counter-productive and make things worse. How come? Take a look at these 'commonly experienced' withdrawal effects (I don't mention the 'less common' or 'rare'):Believe it or not, I actually WANTED to exercise SO bad for the last week or so, but I've been having asthma. I'm not really sure if it's allergy-related, or psychosomatic, or what, but vigorous exercise is totally out of the question. my lung capacity is just now recovering (got a new inhaler. goody.)
Thank you for reminding me of these withdrawal effects. I have been researching these for several weeks myself (I had an earlier post regarding "Do I need something for anxiety". I discussed side effects and withdrawal effects at length with my pdoc, who is experienced, and who I respect very much. He is a good listener, and I like his philosophy on the whole psychopharmacology venture. I see him again in about 10 days. I'll let you know what we decide.
Thanks for your concern Alex. I realize that it's often hard to understand why some people choose one type of treatment over another. At the moment, I'm not feeling so super-peachy-ducky, which pdoc warned me about. In increasing seroquel from 50 up to 300 mg over 8 days there is going to be a lot of drowsiness/grogginess. He said that for many people this will go away after a while. I hope it works for me, I really do.
Just for fun, I'm going to put a little + next to each of these "withdrawal effects" that I experienced in the 2 weeks prior to my med change, when I was naive to benzodiazepines.
> + Abdominal pains and cramp
> + Agoraphobia
> + Anxiety
> + Breathing difficulties
> Blurred vision
> + Changes in perception (faces distorting and inanimate objects moving)
> + Depression
> Distended abdomen
> Dizziness
> Extreme lethargy
> + Fears
> + Feelings of unreality
> Flu-like symptoms
> Heavy limbs
> + Heart palpitations
> + Hypersensitivity to light
> + Indigestion
> + Insomnia
> + Irritability
> + Lack of concentration
> Lack of co-ordination
> Loss of balance
> + Loss of memory
> Muscular aches and pains
> + Nausea
> + Nightmares
> + Panic attacks
> + Rapid mood changes
> Restlessness
> + Severe headaches
> + Shaking
> Seeing spots before the eyes
> Sore eyes
> + Sweating
> + Tightness in the chest
> + Tightness in the head
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:692068
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20061003/msgs/693139.html