Posted by Lindenblüte on October 9, 2006, at 14:18:39
In reply to Re: My new meds » alexandra_k, posted by Lindenblüte on October 9, 2006, at 8:47:16
Hey! I just realized something!
If I had been on the receiving end of Alexandra's advice and cautions sometime pre-benzodiazepine, I would have almost certainly flown into a very agitated state of repugnant denial and vehement accusations.
"What gives anyone the right to...
"I AM in psychotherapy, trying my hardest, dammit!...
"I think that wanting to kill myself IS a problem, and if drugs can make it better, then the drugs are solving a problem...
"I think that wanting to run away from people, even nice people IS a problem and if drugs can make it better, then the drugs are solving a problem...end of vehement rage... abrupt segue into tearful despair.
"There's nothing I can do that will make me feel better. I don't know WHY I bother telling anyone how I feel, I just get reproached for not trying harder, or giving up on myself. I am such a wretched person. Now, if I tell my pdoc what I'm going through, he's going to think that I'm a drug addict... I might as well just give up now."
abrupt segue into emotional numbness
"WTF? I don't even care what happens to me anymore. I don't need this therapy sh*t. Screw medicines. I'd be better off with them out of my life anyways, then I could go back to my LIFE!"
abrupt segue into paranoia
"Who is reading this? are they going to think that I'm a manipulative person, who just switches the tone of her posts to arouse the most sympathy/attention etc, until it's no longer comfortable, and then denies that she's feeling anything other than cheer and mirth? What if my pdoc finds out about me? What if my T finds out about me? What if my abusers find out about me?"
and this cycle repeats. maybe each stage lasts 10 minutes, or 4 hours. Whatever. it's unpleasant.
I haven't had a shift like that in 2 whole DAYS now, despite this somewhat tense dialog with someone who seems to find little difference between me, (who has swallowed eight yellow pills, as directed by her esteemed doctor) and someone who has already developed a potent addiction to said yellow pill.
Alex, if you have any personal experience with the yellow pills, or one of their relatives, I would appreciate you sharing it. If you would like to share lists of side effects and withdrawal symptoms, perhaps you would like to start your own thread, so that other people can benefit from your careful research.
I certainly feel terrible having to repeatedly justify my treatment plan to someone who is neither my therapist, my pdoc, my mother, my husband or my GP. The more I am forced to justify it, the more likely I am to become polarized in my opinions of its correctness and I will lose an open mind about what I can expect, and what my "mileage" will be. That's one danger of voicing strong opinions- often in doing so, people will react by moving away from a moderate, tolerant viewpoint, and towards something that is stubborn, and more resistant to counterfactuals. I would prefer to be the former, especially since I'm quite new to psychopharmacology, and psychotherapy.
While I value the quality of your arguments, and the spirit of support in which they are offered, I am more curious about your actual experiences with the therapies that I'm currently exploring. There are plenty of anti-benzodiazepine websites out there with all kinds of research abstracts and statements from doctors and patients etc. I've spent many hours wading through them, and it helped prepare me to ask my pdoc a series of hard questions about the benzodiazepines. If you believe I take these yellow pills quite casually, I have given you the wrong impression.
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:692068
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20061003/msgs/693352.html