Posted by Meri-Tuuli on April 9, 2006, at 7:07:57
In reply to ADs have ruined me. whom else has been HURT by AD?, posted by Doug_Saving_The_team on April 9, 2006, at 2:44:22
Hey there Doug.
Well, erm, I have lots of things to say! Okay, so well, I'll start with my experiences.
I can fully appreciate your situation. I took a semester off in my last year at university (I also went to a very good uni) because I was diagnosed with depression. Prior to that, well looking back I must have been depressed for a good 2-3 years before. Yep, I was also unable to concentrate, and I had no motivation, although that was without the drugs. I somehow managed to get myself through with a high 2:1 (I have no idea what that translates to in the US! I live in the UK).
Well, anyway I took ADs (prozac, effexor) whilst in the final stages of my degree, and I wasn't exactly very motivated, but it was my last semester and luckily my academic record was so strong that it didn't matter how I did. I then weaned myself off them, started teacher training, but got severly depressed so dropped out.
Then I worked for a year and a half - whilst on celexa. Boy that was a mistake. I didn't realise but the celexa made be exactly as you decribe - apathic, no contrentation etc. I feel like I wasted that year.
Now, I'm unemployed because I have moved areas to be with my boyfriend. I'm looking for work.
I also, like you, feel as if I should be somehow 'more successful' than I am at the moment - my fellow classmates are off in top jobs, doing PhDs, in law school. And I can't even find myself a low level admin job.
BUT there are a few things that help me feel somewhat better -- some days they work, others they don't!!
1) Remember that you have an illness. You are not weak -- its not your fault you are depressed. Would you be so hard on someone if they stuggled through college with a serious illness or disability? I think we do the best we can for ourselves. But remember this is a disease, an illness. Its not a charactor flaw.
2) Okay, so you don't have a job now or whatever. But remember that you are still so young!! There is plenty of time to get a decent job. Plus didn't most of the CEOs or whatever start out as the mail person, and worked their way up? Or they are entreperors who didn't even get a uni education. My eldest brother didn't even finish his A-levels (16-18 age qualifications here in the UK) and he is now a successful self made businessman -- if you measure success as a pay packet, then he makes himself £100,000/year, which is erm, around $150,000 I think. My second eldest brother didn't go to uni either until much later in life, and that was at nightschool. He's now working for Nokia as an development engineer. There are many paths to your chosen profession!!
3) I know its hard to not compare yourself to others in your class (hell, I do it all the time!) but remember that sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. I mean, when you're 70, do you think it will matter that much to you that you didn't go straight into a high flying job? And as for your classmates, well, they might get fired at any time, they might get cancer when they're thirty, there might be a global recession...... so although you might view them as being 'ahead' now, later on, they might not.
4) There are many other ways of measuring 'success' in life as opposed to getting a good job. Are you a nice person? Have you travelled alot? etc etc. Actually, have you thought about travelling abit to broaden your horizons -- maybe now would be a good time to?
I honestly understand your frustations, I really do. I share some of them -- mostly, I feel as if I should be further along in my career, or at least, to not have dropped out for a semester, have a decent job etc. Its very frustrating, espically when you see your fellow classmates in really good jobs, and you know that you were just as good as they were.
To be honest, when you're depressed you can't concentrate anyway, whether you're on medication or not. In some people the right medication can help and increase concentration, but unluckily (and it seems you were too) it wasn't the case with me. Have you ADD/ADHD?
I think the bottom line is (and I'm trying to follow this advice myself) try not to be so hard on yourself. I understand your frustration, but when you're much older, is it really going to matter that much? Try and view depression as an illness (well it is anyway), and you are going home to recuperate for a while. I mean, I bet most of those people who are hedge fund managers or whatever will burn out anyway!!
Take care
Meri
poster:Meri-Tuuli
thread:630718
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060408/msgs/630847.html