Posted by katia on October 17, 2004, at 15:14:46
In reply to Re: Hyponatremia with Trileptal, posted by fluffy on October 16, 2004, at 17:45:03
> Katia--
>
> I hope this doesn't sound too motherly...but I would say it isn't wise to go without one's meds.***Hi Katy,
Thanks for your concern. It doesn't sound too motherly. I probably need to be kept in check like this. So I've thought about your questions and want to answer. It's helpful for me to get clear.> 1) Do you really want to go through the hell you went through before them?
**NO! I guess b/c I have awareness about my moods now and my "condition", I can monitor it much better if I start to get worse.
I also am in a way different place in my life that is supporting health and balance. I don't have a big desire to drink. And after one or two, I don't even want anymore. I've turned a curve and feel quite empowered and feel like I'm stepping into who I can be. I've noticed since being on meds (that work) I revert back to the place I was when (pre-meds) I was somewhat normal. meaning, I go through cycles EVERY month of ups and downs all having to do with my period. So therefore, meds aren't touching that. they've helped me climb out of a serious depression, but in the first year they made me crazy (ADs) and cycle like I've never cycled before (so made me crazier). I think time also pulled me out of that depression, not just meds. I think it was good to get on Mood stabilizers for awhile.
But I also feel I'm in a different (I know this is going to sound WAYYYY California!), in a different place astrologically. Remember that work I did with that psychic a year ago? Well, she was right when she outlined what would be happening to me in the next year and what had been happening to me all my life. And it was all based on my astrological chart. I don't even really follow astrology, but I know she knew what she was talking about. She knew too much specifics. And what she said was that all my life has been unbalanced and balance is on the way and power. I can't tell you how much better I feel then I did a year ago (meds aside). I've done so much already too.
>
> 2) Once you go off meds, they may not work as well when you decide to go back on them. For me, Risperdal didn't have the same effect after having been off it, then returning to it again.**Very true. but I've not really found anything that works that well anyway. Trileptal has been the least offensive, but I'm still waiting to hear back from my good ole vacationing constantly pdoc. He still hasn't faxed over the request to get my blood drawn. I've been waiting a week.
And what I'm wanting to do is just reduce my amounts (being that I'm not hyponatremic). 1/2 everything I'm taking and see what happens. See if I feel less tired and feel more cognitively alert and creative.
> What specifically do you feel doesn't fit you in terms of your diagnosis? Rapid cycling is VERY REAL. I have it and feel its effects every day. It is entirely possible to have switched from depression one week to hypomania the next.
**Well, it's hard to say b/c I rapid cycled like a maniac since BEING on meds. Is this b/c of them? probably paritally so. probably also be/c I know now what rapid cycling is and I can identify in myself. Whereas before, I was just lost in the rollercoaster of emotion, so I wasn't able to see clearly and in hindsight cannot remember.
I suppose I'm having a hard time b/c it's all just speculation. There is no real test that says "yes, you are BP rapid cycler". It's speculation from a pdoc (in the medical paradigm community) who can only see this through one lens (his medical paradigm mindset). It's not everything to me. I believe that through that lens that I probably am BP. But human beings are way more complicated than a set of behavioral keys to point to a BP label. A part of me feels silly for believing at all that I'm BP. That is the part I'm not sure about. I almost feel like it's part of another phase I'm going through in my own definition of reality; but it won't stay real as such forever. I'll realize that I was fooling myself and taking the easy way out hiding behind a label and meds.
On the other hand, a part of me realizes that this illness/disorder is REAL and to have empathy for that too. And it takes a lot to get help and take meds and it has nothing to do with hiding at all.
So I guess you got me thinking and having to really define it and it's hard Katy. I'm not 100% sure what I'm feeling. I do know that I want less meds in my system. I'll reduce them as soon as I see what's going on with my blood work.
> I've been on meds for 4 years now, and it has been very rough at times. But I know that i would have been dead and gone by now if I didn't even have the hope of having SOME relief from my symptoms.
>
> I'm happy to say that I'm doing so much better on Seroquel. Right now I'm on .25mg Risperdal, 25mg Seroquel and 750mg Depakote. It feels right. I've had a very stable month, and I only seem to be improving.**GREAT! good news Katy. Seroquel has helped me tremendously with sleep. After you take it, do you get this relaxed feeling in your chest? Maybe that's my Trileptal...
>
> It sucks when you feel the effects of your disorder even though you are taking medication. My uneducated guess is that you might feel worse without the meds, though.
>
> And even though you may feel your doctor doesn't know anything--HE DOES. Often times, doctors will give you the reigns in your treatment to give you more control--it's a courtesy. (It used to drive me crazy that my doctor did this to me. But I know that if he didn't, I'd feel even more put out--that he is controlling my fate even though he has no idea how i feel, you know?) He would tell you if he didn't feel your choice was appropriate (if indeed he is a good doctor). Will you be seeing him anytime soon?**I also feel disheartened every time I go to see him. $115 for 25 minutes which I don't have. And I normally suggest what to take next. I never feel like I got my money's worth - EVER. I know he knows more than I give him credit for, but so what? I don't really hear much out of him and it's too expensive for me to do every month. I trust myself more than him and I'm free!
If I had all the money in the world than I would see him every month and take it with a grain of salt - food for thought. He is a nice man and gives me free samples every month, but the bottom line is....money and lack of...and the fact that I'm not completely sold on the dx.
I also get support from other things now. Like my dog's spirit (Rock - who died in July). He is giving me so much strength and clarity. I'm learning to listen to myself on an intuitive level and make better decisions/choices to enhance my health, not destruct it.
Thanks so much for your concern Katy.
Katia
poster:katia
thread:9730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041012/msgs/404177.html