Posted by sip on December 29, 2003, at 15:53:20
In reply to Re: When are meds justified? emotional flatness, posted by fogmama on December 23, 2003, at 22:52:20
but I related so much to sip's description of how she felt without them in the past - that whole sad vortex of suffering, feeling worthless, self-negation that we sink into. I'm ready to stop it, but scared of losing the impetus to create ... and yet I recognize that depression is also keeping me from making anything of my art.
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> I once read an essay by a writer I respect, who had gone onto Prozac. She said she felt like the same person, except that she could get done the things that she had not been able to get done. That's exactly what I want! But I am still afraid of flipping some switch that will turn me into someone entirely different. An acceptable wife and mother, perhaps, maybe even a productive and fully employed citizen ... but maybe not me. Maybe that would be OK. I don't know.
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> Well that's all. Thank you all for including the detail that you're writers. I feel less alone.
>Hi fogmama,
I just wanted to acknowledge your words. You are definitely not alone. I actually felt a little blue these past few days and was sort of relieved! It made me feel less scared that I was losing the ability to feel. I was just sad and a little down -- but it didn't overpower or overwhelm me which I think is a really positive thing.
I have come to realize that I am learning a new way of being/feeling and it's unfamiliar but it doesn't mean it's bad. I think there's a romanticized notion that good writing comes from suffering and I think that myth is harmful. Needless suffering is not a muse. Needless suffering has silenced me and taken away my words at times. In another extreme, it also killed some writers (Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf, Anne Sexton) who could have produced more work had they not chosen to kill themselves to end their suffering. I think that's the real loss and tragedy and I refuse to succumb to the idea that living in pain is the only impetus for art.
But I do relate to the fears you described and wanted you to know that.
Also wanted to say congratulations on being a new mother and be kind to yourself.
poster:sip
thread:289528
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031225/msgs/294394.html