Posted by Angelina on September 5, 2003, at 9:46:54
In reply to Message for Angelina, posted by Music on September 5, 2003, at 8:41:43
> You are right I do need a good friend. I have some but they live far away from me. And some of them don't even know anything is wrong with me. I have two that know. But like I said they live far away. My husband and I have moved 7 times in in almost 5 years of marriage. His job related. I am very tired of moving and I have to always look for a new job and trying to make new friends. I love my husband, but I hate my life right now. I feel very, very dark inside. Last night I dreamed I killed myself and I woke up and told my husband and he said oh that won't happen. I am feeling so sad right now, and I feel guilty about having thoughts or dreams like that. I am a pastor's wife and at times I feel like a such a failure. I really have no-one to get a soda with or go shopping with or whatever with. Are you married? And if so does your husband understand? Let me know if I get too personal okay. How do deal with the syptoms? Keep in touch.
>
> P.S. I live in MO.>Music,
I think you need to talk to your therapist IMMEDIATELY about your "dark thoughts". You mentioned that he/she has been out of town for the past two weeks; is she/he back? If not, see if there's someone else in the practice that can see you. I am very willing to keep "chatting" with you, but if you are having suicidal ideation, you need more than this. I might also suggest you set up an appointment that your husband can go to also to discuss what depression is with a third party present. He doesn't "get it" because he's not experiencing depression.
I, too, have moved and started new jobs every year for the past four years. Moving and a new job are both two of the top most stressful occasions. They are terrible for EVERYONE, but if you are depressed they feel even more overwhelming. Have you discussed with your husband how all these moves affect you? I suggest you do.
I am not married-recently divorced (one of the losses I mentioned).
If you're in a new area, maybe you could also look into activities to meet people. I signed up for a yoga class and a belly-dance class. I didn't really make close friends, but I stayed occupied and energized and got some exercise. I really believe you have to get moving as one way to feel better.
Please let me know that you're contacting your therapist about your dream/dark thoughts.
A-
poster:Angelina
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030902/msgs/257247.html