Posted by wcfrench on April 3, 2003, at 0:13:19
In reply to Re: Adding, substracting, wishing and hoping » Ponder, posted by Barbara Cat on March 30, 2003, at 13:51:02
Barb
This might seem very mediocre in the department of reprieve from an outside source, but you know that your mother's death of physical life does not mean that she's no longer your mother or that she is no longer thinking of you and loving you. She's there, she's here, always, just like everyone always is. In the words of Tolle, die before you die. Be liberated, comfortable, at peace with death, because it is merely an ending to a body, a transport of something greater within that lives on. Mom thanks me for telling you this. You have that inner happiness and I have seen it, we are never alone, we're all connected. Distance means nothing, time means nothing. In the words of Travis, "Time exists just on your wrist so don't panic. Moments last, and lifetimes are lost in a day." Be gentle with yourself, and let what you feel flow through you, don't resist it in fear. There is nothing to be afraid of, ever. There is no point in resisting, accept through surrender.
Drastic change of subject- I just got back from a week in Vegas. I was dancing in the street literally with the music loud, usually by myself, and provided much entertainment for those around me. I even set up a quarter bucket outside the hotel and tried to sing for money, but I only made $1.25 because most people knew it was a joke. Most days were great.. the pattern seems to be a great daytime (100mg Lamic, 100mg Zoloft) then things seem to get worse as the day draws to a close (or it gets dark, I can't figure out if it just has to do with the night time).. 100mg Lamic, .5mg Klonopin afternoon/night. I altered it slightly by adding 50mg Zoloft in the afternoon and .5 Klonopin in the morning to try and "balance out" what I took in the morning and at night, and it seemed to help. But I still feel better in the morning/day than I do at night. The fearful depression returns, and I can't figure out how to get rid of it. I might try some mid-day meditation. The book "Meditation as Medicine" has been working wonders for me, literally. Any suggestions or related experiences with the day/night cycle? Moon?? Who knows. Just wondering if someone has experienced this. As my first doc said when I was on a complicated cocktail, "if you tell me you feel a certain way, I believe you and don't question why, since there are so many possibilities. We just work from there."Take care,
Charlie
poster:wcfrench
thread:208531
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030402/msgs/215663.html