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Re: Thats fascinating: Hildi zeugma

Posted by hildi on February 13, 2003, at 22:51:02

In reply to Re: Thats fascinating: Hildi, posted by zeugma on February 13, 2003, at 20:11:14

Too ambitious? No way. I don't expect a miracle from medicine, but I want to be able to live a life where I can achieve my goals, and not to feel 'self-loathing' or 'fearful'; also not to feel drugged or in a daze. I quite drugs so I wouldn't be in a daze-also booze (but then, I'm an alcoholic so I had no choice: quit drinking or die in a gutter somewhere).
Without being able to have my goals and the ability to acheive them, I would feel like I'm living a half a life- my goals-school, career, more financial security, etc- give me something to look forward to, work towards, be productive and good at, and be excited about, but even more than that and I think you understand.
I am an undergrad still, but soon will be graduating and going on to further my education.
For me, the writing can get hard because I'm such a perfectionist I tend to over-do it, or if I'm having a really bad day I sit and stare with not a thought in my head. What to write? Where to start? Very scary. All the reading freaks me out too, because I have such a hard time sitting still and concentrating- I have to keep reading same passage over and over again, or the words seems to 'bounce' off the pages. Also scary.
But I don't think it's too much to ask to try to find the right meds and formula, nutrients, etc . . to make the most that we can out of our lives and our brains. I think we deserve it. I want the rest of my years to be good ones. Not drugged, spaced out, doing nothing years, but good, productive, happy ones.
Hildi


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