Posted by deli on February 3, 2003, at 6:14:38
In reply to Re: In the depths of depression--please help, posted by cubbybear on January 31, 2003, at 10:42:16
Hey Cubby bear;
Sorry I hadn't reply to your post before but I was really busy with school work. So I hear you stopped taking Aurorix. Listen to your instincts. I normally would be the one to suggest my pdoc when I needed to switch.
I know you may not believe it but you sound to be a really strong person. You will beat this beast. I know two months in the depth of depression seem like an eternity but it really goes by fast. Take one day at a time. Pray as much as you can. It just feels you up with hope if only for a few minutes.
Remember how you were feeling before the depression hit. That is how you will be feeling soon. Don't expect to feel better tomorrow. You will be surprised by the little tiny windows of hope you will feel. They don't last very long perhaps a few minutes but take from them as much as you can. This is just a horrible, horrible disease. Don't push yourself into doing too much. Use the benzos to get you through the day. Worry about them later. I felt the same way about taking anti-psychotic medications. For some reason, I would feel worse just because I was taking such strong meds. However, don't shy away from any possibility. Remember that once you are stable you can consider other options. I remember when I was in the midst of my last episode, I was on vacation in San Diego, if you can believe that. My husband was attending a conference while I was suppose to be shopping, reading, sightseeing all day. I planned it for months. I was so excited. A week before the trip I was falling into the dark hole. Nonetheless, I went on the trip any ways. My husband thought it would be better for my kids to not see me like that especially when he was away. I remember waking up and just wishing for nightime, so I could take my meds and sleep. I spent a week sitting by the pool all day long. I couldn't stand being in the room. I remember seeing all the roses in full bloom and thinking what was the big fuss about stupid roses. I hated them. They just kept reminding me how wonderful life was supposed to be. On my way back to Florida, I sobbed in the plane the entire time. People must have thought someone in my family just died and I was going to the funeral. I was angry at life for dealing me this card. I was angry at myself for not taking the meds properly, ( that's how I relapsed) I was angry at my doctor for not preventing this.
Im sorry for the long post. This is the longest I have ever written. Usually mine are pretty short. Keep me posted. I' ll try to check back with you periodically. May the good spirits bless you.
Deli
poster:deli
thread:137446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030130/msgs/139069.html