Posted by juanantoniod on January 26, 2003, at 18:17:21
In reply to Re: New to Depakote-Can someone tell me how it works? » juanantoniod, posted by catmint on January 26, 2003, at 1:44:46
Hi, Amy,
My depression is similar to yours in that I feel like I have everything figured out, and nothing surprises me (except how awful other people are to each other), and nothing excites me. People piss me off, when they are not kind to me or to each other. When things don’t go my way, it reinforces how bad the world is to live in. So, I’m also anxious about when the next bad thing is going to happen to me.
As for my meds, you wouldn’t believe it if I told you all the meds I’m on, because I also take blood pressure medication and Ambien and Ativan at night for sleep, and pain meds too! My pdoc doesn’t know exactly what to do, I think, so he takes his cues from me. When I had an ECT consult with a pdoc last week, he suggested adding the Lexapro and Depakote to my already existing medication, since they were keeping me at least above water (not acutely suicidal). So my main pdoc prescribed them and I’ve already added the Lexapro and Depakote with no deleterious side effects, except a little sleepiness, possibly from the Depakote.
My pdoc had an incredible insight on my suicidal ideations. He said that I am chronically suicidal and not acutely suicidal. Which means that an intervention, like hospitalization, would have no bearing on my long term plans.
With that said, my best friend, and former domestic partner, recently died. His death put a lot into perspective about what would happen to all the people left behind if I died. I also recently saw the movie, “The Hours”, and one of the lines in it about “living for each other” struck me. So, at this point I’m not planning anything severe as far as voluntary euthanasia goes, I just want to have it as a backup plan so that I don’t end up in a state worse than I am where I don’t have the ability to research and execute such a plan.
Why am I on stimulants? That’s a good question. I do have obstructive sleep apnea, which causes daytime fatigue. But I also have a heart condition which contraindicates being on stimulants. My depression is such that I need the stimulants just to have enough energy to go out and face the world, just to get out of bed sometimes. I’ve been on them for a while (2 years), but only used them sparingly until the last few months. Now, I’m taking them more regularly to stay alert and focused and motivated throughout the day. I feel like I need them to give me the energy to get out into the world, which will get me outside of my depression. For example, I want to take a one-night class later this month and I definitely would not have the energy to go or to stay through the whole class without a stimulant.
I may also be at a point where I need stimulants because my body does not produce enough of them because of past drug abuse. For about a year I was self-treating my depression (in retrospect) with crystal meth. I used it several times a day for almost that whole year. The chronic abuse and the amount I was taking may have screwed up the neurotransmitters in my brain as well.
I hope the Lamictal continues to work well for you. I encourage you to, while you have the energy, get out and sign up for a class, join a book club, or something that will continue for a while even if you get depressed again. That’s what I need to do is build a life while I’m not depressed so that when I am depressed I will still have it to fall back on, and maybe keep me from getting deeply depressed again.
Thanks so much for the encouragement to keep going. I do appreciate it and it means a lot to me because it comes from someone else who knows what I am going through. I look forward to hearing more about how you are doing.
Take care,
Antonio
poster:juanantoniod
thread:137244
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030125/msgs/137652.html