Posted by BarbaraCat on January 25, 2003, at 13:58:40
In reply to Barbara, how are you? » BarbaraCat, posted by proud mary on January 25, 2003, at 11:29:14
What a sweety you are! Reading your post was the first thing I did this morning and it warms my heart. So glad the Lexapro is kicking in for you. It took a while, didn't it? Do you think that's been the main component for feeling better for you? Sometimes I think just getting a bit more motivation to start doing something, anything, is the key. It's the doing part, breaking through the sludge, that heals more than anything.
I believe very much in prayer, although, like you, I'm definitely not of the 'religious' persuasion. I think they have been helping for sure. I broke down and called the crisis line at my HMO and got in to see a therapist and my pdoc and doc in 2 days, which was yesterday. Unheard of! My pdoc wants to keep me on lithium even though my thyroid levels are going through the roof, which I'm sure is contributing to things. But another miracle! my primary care doc, pdoc, and an endocrinologist are going to have a consult about me. This is truly unheard of. My desperation must have made an impression on the triage lady. Pdoc also wants me on nortryptiline, one of the older tricyclic ADs. I don't do well on SSRIs, SNRIs etc., probably because of the bipolar component, so we'll try the older ones for now and continue with lamictal and lithium as well as regular Valium. I honestly never thought I'd come to be so grateful for 'Mother's little helpers' (even though I'm not a Mother unless my 8 furry kids count).
I'm still feeling pretty awful, especially in the mornings, shakey, scared and bleak. Things seem to pick up and become almost normal as the day wears on. I need to somehow start moving my body again since that helps more than anything. But anyone who's been in the grip of such a black place knows how impossible it can be to even get to the bathroom, much less manage a few sit-ups. But I'll just force myself knowing it will do me good. So, things will get better, especially as my thyroid normalizes and Spring arrives.
Your idea about full spectrum light bulbs is fabulous. Yes, utility bills have taken a back seat and I'm going to start flooding the rooms with light. Oregon is beautiful, even in the rain, it's just so difficult to take that first step outside. Keep those prayers coming, Mary. You're in mine as well. (I think if we keep the 'meds' subject going here, we won't get booted over to the 'religion' thread.) - Barbara,
> I've been praying for two days now; seen any difference?
> Just trying to make you smile a bit.
> Oregon is not the best place for a mood lifter, I know. Me, I'm from sunny, hot Texas. I couldn't never live in seattle or portland (have relatives in both places) I think I'd be suicidal in about one year. Have you replaced any of your reg. light bulbs with those ultraviolet ones that are supposed to feed your body with the light it craves? My dad suffered from SAD before any one even knew what it was or thought it was a real condition. Turn on every light in the house; the utility company be damned!
> I can only hope things are a bit better for you now. I know it's only been a few days, but maybe therapy has helped. My lexapro seems to be kicking in and I'm feeling more ambitious, but I well remember that feeling of nothingness and despair that is te norm for some of us (without help).
> I'm pretty much writing to just let you know I"m thinking about you and still praying for you and I expect dr. bob to intervene at any moment to tell us to take it somewere else, but I figure I should be able to get by with this sort of posting at least once in a while. What new meds did they start you on, if any?
> Let me know!