Posted by Mr. Scott on July 4, 2002, at 18:56:25
In reply to somebody please help me, posted by Mr. Scott on July 3, 2002, at 0:32:51
Thank You all for trying to help me I love you people who have reached out to an anonymous fuck up on the internet. I've printed out all your responses and I will keep reviewing them.
I know because of whatever else I have I am a drug addict now, and tears have come to my eyes from reading your posts, and possibly also because of the 6 beers I just drank. It's the 4th of July and I cant figure out if I should go cop some drugs or go hang out with one of three groups who have invited me out (still be drinking). No one knows what I deal with or they dismiss it as me being a pussy or weak if I ever do let on, so I play the tough guy). I've recently been offered a 6 figure job, and I wonder if I'm trying to do myself in before I get there with the drugs.
Today I took 75mg effexor 200mg Provigil, 1 mg of Klonopin and 6 beers and we'll see what happens next. On the surface it would seem all I have is a substance abuse disorder, but really without the drugs I suffer so badly (extended withdrawal or moo/anxiety disorder?) and then when I go to take the RX drug that should help say an Effexor, I get more f'ckd up unless I mix it with Benzos which then make me more likely to go off the handle and party with street drugs because benzos literally reduce how much I give a shit about consequences.
I'm not there yet, but I understand and appreciate every single person who takes there own life because of drug/mood struggles. I can't just go into a hospital at this point in my life, I have too many responsibilities. I'm so scared.. I sit here all day and listen to dark music not answering the phone and feeling so helpless. I know I'm not evil but I'm so sad and scared I don't know what to do.
I wish some commanding all knowing entity would grab me by my lapels and shake me and say "listen guy..This is how it is...and give me a clear direction to escape my horror.
I'm sorry for burdoning you as I have before with my nonsense.
Mr.Scott
poster:Mr. Scott
thread:111259
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020628/msgs/111424.html