Posted by MB on September 15, 2001, at 16:02:36
In reply to Re: Valerian Safety -- 12-Step Resources!!! » MB, posted by Simcha on September 13, 2001, at 8:15:32
> I hear you MB! I refuse to put myself down anymore. My therapist has me saying simply, "Thank you." when someone complements me. I do not need to praise or condemn myself. I can simply accept the praise of another human being and enjoy it!
Yeah, my therapist has been helping me see what types of behaviors are helping get healthy and stay sober--and which ones are damaging to me psychologically. Putting myself down (or others, for that matter) doesn't help me get better.
> > I'm going to read that book you suggested (even though I'll be chastised since it isn't "conference approved").
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> LOL! I hear you... You do not need to tell anyone in your group that you are reading it. I find that some things are my own business. Also this book is by Hazelden, a well respected treatment center that uses AA.
That's true. I read lots of books that don't even have anything to do with recovery...and I don't share that in meetings...there's no reason I'd have to talk about the Hazelton book or about taking psychiatric medications.
> > Anyway, I need to get on medication before it gets worse. AA saved my life because I was drinking myself to death, but at the same time, it seems AA likes to blame *any* and *all* of life's problems on alcoholism and bad stepwork. I just don't think I agree...and to be in disagreement with the group is a very difficult and scary place to be...as I'm sure you're aware of. I get really paranoid some times (thinking phones are tapped, etc.) and some times I think I'm in an evil cult that's trying to take my individuality away. AA has done me so much good in terms of my dringking, I wish it didn't have to be the way that it is.
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> The meds have helped me greatly.
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> Also, you may want to share with your doctor that you believe that your phones are being tapped. This may be part of what you might need treatment for. I cannot make that determination since I am no doctor. It's just a thought.
Boy, reading my past posts, I can see I was in a very bad space. It's getting better...I feel calmer and more coherent. It cycles. right now I don't feel like I need medication at all (and that can be scary when you really do need it). I've cut my caffeine intake down to about 2 cups of green tea a day (from two double Americanos a day). The ups, downs, panic, and paranoia are infinitely better. I'm not saying that two cups of coffee were causing my illness, but I think they triggered something that would have otherwise remained latent.
> Also, AA is not an evil cult. I try to remember the saying, "Take what you like and leave the rest." If I am not getting what I need from a sponsor or a meeting I'll get a new sponsor and go to different meetings. Also I do not follow 12-step blindly. That is not called for, if you really read the Big Book. We are supposed to take the 12-steps and apply them to our lives. We are not supposed to follow them blindly. We are supposed to listen to a Higher Power who can speak from within and we can learn to think for ourselves. That is the whole point of recovery for me. It is the ability to recover sanity so that I can make decisions on how to take care of myself. Of course I take advantage of the support of the group. I do not follow the group blindly like a vole leaping to its death in a herd of other voles.
That's kind of what my therapist says...to try and remember what AA really is: a support group to help you not drink, and some tools to use to feel better without alcohol. You're not going to find answers to every single problem by using the steps...at least that's what he says and I agree with him (when I'm not following blindly out of fear).
poster:MB
thread:78477
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010907/msgs/78808.html