Posted by Simcha on September 13, 2001, at 8:15:32
In reply to Re: Valerian Safety -- 12-Step Resources!!! » Simcha, posted by MB on September 11, 2001, at 10:35:07
> It bothers me too that AA takes the powerless idea and extends it to all aspects of life, not just drugs and alcohol. The AA groups tell us that we are *responsible* for any negativity in our lives, but then turn around and tell us that we are *powerless* to do anything about it! What kind of head trip is that, you get all the responsibility but none of the power? Then you have to do all this HARD WORK in the form of the steps, but you can't take any credit for that work, you have to say that the higer power did *all* of it...well, personally, I think I've been working hard, and I'm proud of it!!! I agree that AA is for addiction, that we are powerless over our addictions, but then we need to take charge over our lives (staying in contact with a higher power is important too, however). I hate to say it, but I think that in some ways I'm more screwed up than before I came to AA. I'm no longer drinking, but I'm neurotic in ways I wasn't before. I was hanging around with some normies and they were complementing me, and I found that I have lost the ability to say anything nice about myself without the horrible guilt. I always have to "humble" myself by following a self-complement with a self-deprecating comment (e.g., I'd say something like: "Yes I am a good guitar player, but that *is* just like an alcoholic to be so arrogant, isn't it?"). At a meeting I noticed that most of the people speaking did the same thing: it's *trendy* to put yourself down in the AA groups.
I hear you MB! I refuse to put myself down anymore. My therapist has me saying simply, "Thank you." when someone complements me. I do not need to praise or condemn myself. I can simply accept the praise of another human being and enjoy it!
> I'm going to read that book you suggested (even though I'll be chastised since it isn't "conference approved").
LOL! I hear you... You do not need to tell anyone in your group that you are reading it. I find that some things are my own business. Also this book is by Hazelden, a well respected treatment center that uses AA.
> Anyway, I need to get on medication before it gets worse. AA saved my life because I was drinking myself to death, but at the same time, it seems AA likes to blame *any* and *all* of life's problems on alcoholism and bad stepwork. I just don't think I agree...and to be in disagreement with the group is a very difficult and scary place to be...as I'm sure you're aware of. I get really paranoid some times (thinking phones are tapped, etc.) and some times I think I'm in an evil cult that's trying to take my individuality away. AA has done me so much good in terms of my dringking, I wish it didn't have to be the way that it is.
The meds have helped me greatly.Also, you may want to share with your doctor that you believe that your phones are being tapped. This may be part of what you might need treatment for. I cannot make that determination since I am no doctor. It's just a thought.
Also, AA is not an evil cult. I try to remember the saying, "Take what you like and leave the rest." If I am not getting what I need from a sponsor or a meeting I'll get a new sponsor and go to different meetings. Also I do not follow 12-step blindly. That is not called for, if you really read the Big Book. We are supposed to take the 12-steps and apply them to our lives. We are not supposed to follow them blindly. We are supposed to listen to a Higher Power who can speak from within and we can learn to think for ourselves. That is the whole point of recovery for me. It is the ability to recover sanity so that I can make decisions on how to take care of myself. Of course I take advantage of the support of the group. I do not follow the group blindly like a vole leaping to its death in a herd of other voles.
Take Care,
Simcha
poster:Simcha
thread:78477
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010907/msgs/78712.html