Posted by Mitch on August 4, 2001, at 10:44:43
In reply to I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 22:59:44
> It's simple really. On antidepressants or anticonvulsants I don't fully realize how badly my life sucks. So I just deal with it in a relatively effective, albeit deeply bored way. When I am off, the horror strikes me. Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD. Anyway. I don't want to numb myself to make my horrible life seem OK. So now what? When I am off, like right now, everything seems so hopeless. I don't want to be a zombie but I don't want to kill myself either. I don't know what to do. I just want to be myself and feel both alive and happy at the same time. Is this even possible? I'm so depressed. I feel like I did last year before I tried to kill myself. But things are OK. I get along great with my co-workers. I think I could even be friends with them and it is so hard for me to make friends but I can't do it. I'm too scared to be intrusive or something like that. It's all so f****d-up. Why do I bother? I just want to be happy but it's so hard.
Else,
I can identify somewhat. I stopped taking Zoloft about three weeks ago and went through a withdrawal of sorts. SSri's seem to "readjust" your outlook and "paint" things better than they may be. I noticed when I stopped it I had this definite "black" "existential-blues" feeling that lasted quite a while. It is now starting to lift a little, and I feel more relaxed without the med. I am bipolar and still have to take other meds, but I am beginning to wonder if for several years I would have been better off with good psychotherapy for the secondary problems (social anxiety, i.e.) instead of an AD.
Mitch
poster:Mitch
thread:73202
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010804/msgs/73488.html