Posted by shelliR on May 20, 2001, at 19:51:30
In reply to Re: Anyone?--Shelli, posted by Kristi on May 20, 2001, at 14:48:14
Hi Kristie
< Would you say you benefit by "un" repressing your memories? >
I have never been successful in purposefully or totally "un" repressing my memories. My defense system is quite complex. I do not have Dissociative Identity Disorder (MPD), but I do have different personalities --all children inside that hold all the memories. It is sort of their choice whether to share the memories and lately most of them feeling really safe, and say "enough memories!" (BTW, if you met me, you would have no idea that there are personalities inside). There is one personality who holds information that I know about and don't remember (involving my brother) and I think I'm hoping to find have that memory as mine but I feel pretty scared about memories. And I don't see it as my conscious choice exactly. It is often an excruciating process to recall repressed memories, sometimes involving at the beginning uncontrolled flashbacks--where you can't turn the memories off--they are there with all their horror. Then the task in therapy is to learn what is called "containment"--learning to put the memories away when it is not useful to watch them replay again and again and again. I do think if you go through a process of retrieving memories, processing them, then being able to put them in the background again you do come out a healthier, more truely confident person. But it is so hard.
That is why I say I would not go looking for memories. I think you should read all you can on the subject, so that if the memories come, you will be somewhat ready. Again, as I said before, generally something specific will set off the memories. According to studies, most people do not go into therapy to retrieve the memories; they go into therapy after the memories have come up, in order to deal with them. Memories involve four aspects (1) behavior (2) affect; (3)sensation; and (4) knowledge. I think that's what Marie may have been talking about when she said she remembered, but then she really remembered. You can know, for example, that something happened to you (cognition), without remembering what it felt like at the time emotionally (affect) or how your body felt (sensation).
>
> I really do have a good therapist. I need to search for a psychologist tho I think, to go a step or two deeper. <If you have a good therapy he/she might surprise you and be able to go deeper with you, when the material presents itself; I don't know. A good therapist will not try to "get things out of you" because a good therapist will respect your defense system. A good therapist will only follow your lead.
It is when the memories are there that you might need to switch to someone who knows how to work with memories, so you feel as safe as possible during the process.
>
I wish they would just surface on their own.. make my decision easier. :-) boy how we are always looking for the easy way out. >As my therapist would say, "Be careful what you wish for :-).
< after hearing a little about my story, do you think I should look into med's more? Or do you think this could all be resolved through therapy? Just your opinion. >
I think you need to do what feels right for you. I don't think you should be going through horrible psychic pain, if there is a medication that will help you. On the other hand, if you feel more in touch with your process of therapy without medication, that's your choice. I was so severely depressed and anxious that I took medication without a second thought. But I am also very sensitive to medications, so I understand your hesitation.
I think medication is a wonderful thing--it keeps some of us alive. But I'm also thinking there are people like my sister who went on medication after her divorce, quit therapy, has stayed on medication for the last ten years and decided she doesn't care about a lot of things besides her daughter. I think she is someone who would have done better with a short course of medication and a longer course of therapy. It really depends on how you feel. I wouldn't write off meds because you haven't found the right one yet though. But I think that if your depression is not getting in the way of working out things in therapy, and not getting too much in the way of your life, you might wait, and see how therapy plays out.
Since this is a board about medication, you are not likely to get that opintion from too many people, I think. Also, remember you can always change your mind--start taking or stop taking.
Here's a resource on the board about all the studies on repressed memories, which you might want to scan:
http://www.jimhopper.com/memory.I certainly have given you wishy-washy opinions, but your questions are really quite complex and I don't have really one way of looking at this process, except to make it the easiest possible for all abuse survivors.
And please, don't apologize for using the board, that's why it's here!Shelli
poster:shelliR
thread:63506
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010515/msgs/63747.html