Posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 14:06:22
In reply to Re: Mother relationship/therapy, posted by allisonm on May 29, 2000, at 13:39:50
This is a tough one. I think clarifying some boundaries for yourself about what you will tolerate in terms of verbal abuse can help, and how you will respond. The hurt is still very raw, tho, and that makes the role change harder--ie, taking care of your mom. It sounds like you might be an only child? If not, where do your sibs stand in all this?
Just keep reminding yourself that your mom's ways of relating are very entrenched and she is very unlikely to change at this stage of the game, and that is beyond your control.
Be real with yourself about what you can do for her without feeling you are exposing yourself to more emotional harm. Avail yourself of outside resources as much as you can, so you are not the only one there to assist her as she ages.
(Hey, I even heard that in Japan, people hire actors to act in the role of sons and daughters with aging parents.)
It think there are gerontologists who specialize in these types of situations--care of older parents when the relationships are conflictual. I think there is even a book out somewhere. Don't know the title, tho.
I think the earlier suggestion of talking to your mom's doctor about medication is a possibility, too. Of course, if your mom is still competent to make her own decisions, she will have to want to take any appropriate meds.
poster:Noa
thread:35043
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000526/msgs/35250.html