Posted by michael on March 17, 2000, at 22:24:27
In reply to Re: On the other hand...., posted by harry b. on March 17, 2000, at 21:14:29
>
>
> > I hope things go well, harry. It's always good to err on the side of caution. I can't tell you how you should feel about this guy, but it is this psychobabbler's oppinion that if he can't accept you as you are, he is not really your friend. I don't think it's devious to feel him out on his attitudes without outing yourself. If the world were a just place, you would have no worries, but, without being too much of a pessimist, people aren't always as tolerant as they should be, and you don't need a lot of grief right now. I think some day you will have left the closet happily behind you, but there's no hurry. Take care of yourself.
> >
> > Adam
>
> **************************************************
>
>
> Thanks Adam.
>
> I did not even try to get an opinion from him today.
> He was waiting for me outside my day program. He
> appeared to be really down in the dumps. He had been
> trying to call me this week but was using an incorrect
> #, so we hadn't talked in several days.
>
> His immediate problem was that he had no money and wanted to
> cancel our plans. When he had his stroke several
> years ago, his wife gained control of his assets
> and forced him out of their home. He had owned a
> business, employing 40 people, and was comfortable
> financially. Now his wife still controls the finances
> and gives him no money. Social security benefits are his
> only income. He has physical handicaps from his stroke
> and can only perform menial tasks, thus no ability
> to earn his own money.
>
> I told him that dinner & the movie would be my treat.
> I, myself, was pretty low today but just being with
> him makes me feel good. I tried to cheer him up,
> actually got him to laugh a bit, and he enjoyed
> the movie. I asked if he needed my company tonight,
> because I was concerned about his low mood, but he said
> he was tired and wanted to go home and go to bed.
> I asked if he needed money for food or gasoline but
> he refused. I'm angry at myself for not being more
> insistant about that, but he does have a son & a
> daughter who live near him and who are very supportive.
>
> When we were leaving the movie, I told him he should
> zip up his jacket, because it was cold & windy. He
> replied that he couldn't (he has lost all function of
> his right arm and hand). I zipped his jacket for
> him and he thanked me. I told him to never be
> afraid to ask for my assistance. His eyes filled
> with tears. I'm worried about him and will probably
> call him tomorrow to make sure he's Ok.
>
> We did not hug tonight, but I held his hand for
> a minute or two before we parted. This is a new
> experience for me. I'm feeling down and very needy,
> but being able to help him, trying to get him
> to smile, to listen to him express his problems
> and to just be there for him makes me feel good
> and worthy. It also takes my mind off my own
> problems. I've lost the urgency to speak about
> sexuality. He and I both need to work on getting
> well, I think we will remain friends for a long
> time.
>
> harry
>
>Glad things went well. I hope they continue to...
poster:michael
thread:26935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000312/msgs/27412.html