Posted by bob on March 12, 2000, at 23:25:58
In reply to What's Your Educated Guess?, posted by anonymous on March 12, 2000, at 20:13:28
I'd still call it depression. Being depressed doesn't mean just feeling sad -- given your circumstances, you may feel any number of things ... anger, especially due to self-loathing, being one.
As for taking an AD and feeling worse because of it, I just went through a phase like that myself. I knew I had had my ups and downs over the past few years, but I was like teflon -- they just didn't stick because I had stopped caring about myself and my life so long ago. My meds and my talk therapy finally got me to a place, tho, where I started to care again ... and yes, the first thing I saw was how royally f*ck*d up my life is. It hurt like hell -- worse than any pain I had had in a decade or more. Now, I've numbed up somewhat again. I know the pain is still out there and it needs to be dealt with ... I need to get through that pain to get to a better place.
The same is probably true of your anger.
You didn't mention whether you were in any talk therapy besides the meds. I'd urge you to do so. You might be able to find a med that can take away the anger, but it won't take away all the behaviors you have learned due to that anger. Think of it this way: you can put some Neosporin(+Pain Relief!) on an infected cut to kill the infection and sooth the hurt--but if you keep cutting yourself, all the Neosporin in the world isn't going to help you stop.
You may still have some dark days ahead of you, but you're taking action to bring in the light. Take pride in that! That first step takes a helluva lot of guts.
And never forget that you will always have people here in Babbleland who have been there--who ARE there--and who'll stand by you and support you.
be well,
bob
poster:bob
thread:26793
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000312/msgs/26815.html