Posted by jensy on December 15, 1999, at 1:20:20
In reply to difference bet no 'future' and wanting to die?, posted by jane on December 14, 1999, at 19:16:13
jane,
it's funny that those who read and respond to this sort-of thing are often those in the thick of it all. but maybe this is best so you don't get a lot of keep your chin up, kid talk. your description sounds very much like a clinical checklist for depression: ahedonia, hoplessness, helplessness, difficulty concentrating...
i'd suspect that even if your
life reduced to the mudane problems of women's magazines (what to cook for dinner tonite! what shade of nail polish to wear!) that you'd still lack the spark of happiness...and that's depression for you. you could probably live this way forever, being marginally productive and knowing that there has to be something more there, in a way it is more dangerous than the tooth and claw depression simply because of this. you know you can't live the other way for long, but this kinda sneaks up on you--gradually then suddenly. you say that reevaluating your chemical coctail seems overwhelming, but does it seem more overwhelming than living like this indefinately?
i hope you realize that things don't have to, and shouldn't, be this way. if you responded to medication (a good sign!) then perhaps your body has become used to your dosage and it may need to be increased, i do not think that this is uncommon with many antidepressants. no matter how exhausting it may seem, nothing is more exhausting than seeing no future--isn't this what keeps most people going?
i wish you the best of luck in your search, you appear to have a kind heart and obviously have the will and courage to begin a change (or you wouldn't have written).
peace to you,
jensy
I wanted some feedback from folks on the difference between the "big black hole" where you struggle every minute to not die (been there - this isn't as bad) versus where I am now- I just can't see a future, not tomorrow , next week or anytime. So is this another bout of depression (but less intense) or is it midlife crisis and I should just 'get my act together'.
> I "function" day to day because I have responsibilities but I have no plans, joy or happiness.
> I am on meds and I thought they were working, but I'm not sure. I also am having trouble with concentration and putting together any complex thought (expressing myself now is a struggle) I don't have a pdoc anymore bec of insurance, so no one has the big picture of all my meds. The idea of re-evaluating my 'chemical cocktail' is overwhelming, but I really would appreciate any input. Thanks
poster:jensy
thread:16921
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991212/msgs/16934.html