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Re: Noa 11/23 & Jennyann - This must be a joke

Posted by bonnie on December 1, 1999, at 10:54:01

In reply to Re: To tell or not to tell...., posted by Noa on November 23, 1999, at 21:40:58

RE: Noa and his friend w/ quirky ideas - the idea about eating and exercising is not that crazy. It's a proven fact that exercise increases your serotonin and that certain foods can affect your state of mind. You can have sugar highs and then crash, you can have carbo highs and lows, caffine can make you anxious, etc., etc. Maybe you could be more open-minded about your friend's ideas. What could it hurt to eat more healthy?

RE: Jennyann - I really feel for you, having this happen during the holidays. But I am a great believer that things happen for a reason. I agree with whoever said you are better off without them. You spend most of your waking hours with your employer so why would you want to be employed by a company who has no tolerance for who you are? It's like being married to someone who won't doesn't like you. You might need that understanding and tolerance in the future if/when something major happens. And as far as fighting, I am a fighter and all for fighting when I know I can win. But I also agree with whoever said that it's much too much stress on you. My friend just recently went thru a battle with the state regarding harassment. Not sexual harassment, just basic harassment. She had months and months of documentation, etc., yet there wasn't even a lawyer who would touch it since it WAS the state. Their explanation was that it was hard to prove. She ended up with all sorts of muscle problems from the stress, she broke out in this rash on her hands and feet from the stress. It was a daily nightmare. We both ate, breathed, and slept the damn battle. And had she not been such a good friend I would have just walked away from it because it WAS so stressful. Co-workers that she thought would help her substantiate her case ended up backing down or keeping their mouths shut. But think about it. They have their own jobs to look out for. Ultimately, it worked out that her situation changed at work (which was what she was striving for) but nothing legal came out of it because she could not PROVE anything. And this situation would be hard to prove, as well. Could you PROVE you told them on about it on a certain date? Could you PROVE that the "watchdogging" and ultimate dismissal resulted from that disclosure? Do they have any documentation on you and your job performance that they could use against you? And I don't know if it's just my state (Commonwealth of Virginia), but here an employer can fire you for whatever reason he wants. If you miss too much time from being sick, if he doesn't like the clothes you wear, if he just has a bad day -- he has that right. Then it's your right to go to the Employment Office and file a claim. They determine whether or not it was justifiable. (I know, it sounds crazy...) And if, for instance, it's due to illness -- then they don't consider it your fault and you get unemployment. It's nuts. There are two standards. There's the employer's right to fire for whatever reason. And then there's the employee's right to not have been fired unjustly. I know all about this because I got fired (for other reasons) I was awarded it. So, that part I believed in fighting for, as he was a total ass. But when it comes to suing for discrimination and all that, the big boys have more bucks and more legal weight that you'll ever have. Is it worth it? Like I said, can you PROVE it? If not, then let it go, learn from your experiences and move on. Instead of being a "poor, pitiful me" mental case -- take responsibility for sharing your personal business with people who had not earned your trust. It feels better kicking yourself in the ass then it does being a victim. And I don't say these things to be hard and harsh, Jennyann. It's just so easy for me to fall prey to the victim syndrome, which can launch me into depression. Therefore, I'd much rather feel in control of my situation and feel that I had a hand in it instead of feeling out of control and victimized (even it it wasn't the outcome I wanted -- hey, I make mistakes). In the long run, if you think positively, you will end up in an environment where people ARE compassionate and understanding and will accept you for who you are. I was fortunate that when I had a bout of depression (I was being treated and taking meds for it but was mildly bi-polar and didn't know it), that my boss was understanding. Probably because his own wife suffered from the same thing. So that's my point -- there ARE people out there who understand. You just have to find them. You will be in my prayers and happy holidays!




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