Posted by Bob on October 10, 1999, at 7:47:55
In reply to Lithium, posted by Lori on October 10, 1999, at 2:49:05
> Do I let her find her own way? Can I live with that if she continues to fall and I lose her?
It's so hard to read that, Lori. Whatever my genetic background, my problems kicked in full steam when a brother of mine died. The grief tore my parents apart. I was only eight at the time. I spent so much of my youth trying to make things right. I pray that you never come close to walking that road.
May I hazard a suggestion? I'm no fan of CBT either, since it is so overt and the habits and modes of thought its meant to defeat, to change are so often motivated by covert thoughts beneath our notice, "flying under the radar" you could say. That doesn't mean that Behavioral, "operant" approaches don't work ... but maybe there is another way to approach it....
Just listening is great. It lets your daughter know that she can talk without being rejected, denied, whatever. But you are also teaching her to be a good listener by example. So, can you model talking, asking for help as well as you can model listening? Can you say "Can I talk with you" in a voice that says "I need your help" and not "Now listen up"? What kind of help can you ask her for that will not convey the message "This is your fault" by asking for it? Can you share your thoughts without asking, just opening up and confiding in her?
We learn a great deal -- probably most of what we know about day to day living -- from modelled behaviors. If she is responding to your listening, maybe she can respond as well to your asking for help.
Besides, just look at how much we all get here from reaching out out TO help, even when we need for ourselves to reach out FOR help.
Just a thought.
Since it sounds like you're in the area, are you coming to Babblefest? It would be nice to meet you ... and your daughter and son. What a great thing he's doing with that hotline! Have you let him know what you've learned from his lessons?
Be strong,
Bob
poster:Bob
thread:12619
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991016/msgs/12953.html