Posted by Phil on August 29, 1999, at 12:17:41
In reply to It's my birthday and I'm depressed......, posted by Noa on August 29, 1999, at 11:42:46
> It's my birthday and I am depressed. Not severely, but enough to have difficulty getting off my bum and out of the house. I don't feel particularly celebratory. All I can think about is how messed up my life is and all the things I need to do to clean up after the mess I've made during my depression. When the depression starts to lift a bit, it feels like waking up inside the hole I've dug for myself, and although I may no longer feel like digging myself deeper, I really don't know how the hell to get out of it and back to the surface to start building a life.
>
> When at the worst stages of depression, I am consumed with self-loathing and the desire to disappear. Where I am now, at this stage of the depression, when it has just started to lift, the self-loathing dissipates somewhat, and I want to go on with life, but I feel incredibly sad and overwhelmed.
>
> Intellectually, I know what could help (keeping busy and active), but I can't motivate myself to get into gear and make it happen.>>Your post really touched me. I feel the same way so much of the time. Birthday's are hide out time for me and , besides work, I isolate alot.
I am 46 and a nice looking guy, good sense of humor; people enjoy being around me but I don't really care if I see them or not. I have to force myself to move but usually don't. I've always had some control and trust issues but most of all...deep down, I feel I don't deserve better.
I have low expectations from life and that's not easy to change. Gotta go to work..Hang in there,
Phil
poster:Phil
thread:10780
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990829/msgs/10781.html