Posted by Noa on August 29, 1999, at 11:42:46
It's my birthday and I am depressed. Not severely, but enough to have difficulty getting off my bum and out of the house. I don't feel particularly celebratory. All I can think about is how messed up my life is and all the things I need to do to clean up after the mess I've made during my depression. When the depression starts to lift a bit, it feels like waking up inside the hole I've dug for myself, and although I may no longer feel like digging myself deeper, I really don't know how the hell to get out of it and back to the surface to start building a life.
When at the worst stages of depression, I am consumed with self-loathing and the desire to disappear. Where I am now, at this stage of the depression, when it has just started to lift, the self-loathing dissipates somewhat, and I want to go on with life, but I feel incredibly sad and overwhelmed.
Intellectually, I know what could help (keeping busy and active), but I can't motivate myself to get into gear and make it happen.
poster:Noa
thread:10780
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990829/msgs/10780.html