Posted by Racer on August 13, 1999, at 23:39:11
In reply to Racer, that's how I see it., posted by janey girl on August 13, 1999, at 16:06:50
That's so sad, Janey, because I'm sure that you're not only not fat, but that your worth is the same at any size. Hell, last weekend I spent supervising an open house where I work, and one of our guest experts was a woman who had to be at least 150 pounds overweight. To the point that she couldn't sit in any of our chairs! Yet she was a delight, because she talked about things that interested her, and was not self-conscious about her size.
There are all sorts of things that I can tell you, that the two best riders I ever saw were both not only overweight (significantly), but much lighter on their horses backs that many lighter riders. That the best dancer I ever saw in a club was humongous! That the woman who broke the chair in my living room was thin, while the fat woman who had sat in it earlier had had no trouble. That won't matter, though, because I know that feeling.
Here's something else I know, though: when I'm depressed, I think that people will love me if I can be thin enough. When I'm not depressed, I love my friends and know they love me. I also know that I don't have to be thin to be liked and attractive, because I have other qualities that count much more.
Unfortunately, that's one of those things that isn't as simple as knowing or not knowing. It's so deeply a part of us that knowing it does nothing about the problem. Can you write down for yourself what you think would really change in your life if you were thinner? Is it your weight, your looks, your life? The only thing that changes when someone loses weight is that person's weight. Really, I know that it's true. I'm probably more attractive when I'm heavier than I am now. Not only because I'm heavier, but because I feel better and therefore project more comfort and confidence. That's what's so attractive, what you give off.
When I was really thin, I never got asked out, and couldn't understand why. I thought that if I lost even more weight, someone would finally notice me. Well, guess what? The only thing I gave off then was insecurity and neediness. No wonder no one noticed me! Now that I'm heavier, though still too thin, people notice me, but not because of my looks. They notice that I am INVOLVED, that I am interested in what they have to say, in what they want to learn, in what the world has to offer. Nothing to do with looks or with makeup or the clothes I wear. They notice my personality, and my actions. That's what makes someone attractive or otherwise.
I know that it doesn't sink in until the depression lifts, but it makes me so sad to see others going through what I went through and not be able to help.
By the way, have you ever had any sort of fitness testing? That's much better than weight as a guide to your body. It's not too expensive, and it's really kinda fun! Your BMI is a better source of over/under weight information than your weight per se.
Good luck, and you have my best thoughts and wishes with you, Janey, for what that's worth. I'm pulling for you, and I think you deserve a happy birthday and a big hug.
poster:Racer
thread:9565
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990814/msgs/10063.html