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Re: To JohnL: Green Trees & Purple Toothbrushes

Posted by Racer on July 11, 1999, at 11:26:53

In reply to To JohnL: Green Trees & Purple Toothbrushes, posted by Judy on July 10, 1999, at 20:18:52

I remember a terrible time in my life. The boy I always knew I'd marry when I grew up had just been killed, I was sure the blow would kill his father - the man who has meant most to me in my life. The period of grief was overwhelming, but I was not depressed. I was experiencing the normal stages of grief. The sign that I could and would go on living came on a car trip. We left home at about 5AM, and I had slept most of the way to the California border. I woke up around 7:30 or 8 in the Siskyous, and looked out the car window to see every shade of green ever produced in this world. It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen, maybe because it was mixed with the knowledge that I'd never see them with my first love. But it told me that I could still find beauty even in a world without Johnny.

That's a downer of a story, but it was not really like that at the time. It was more like opening my eyes to find a brand new world, one that had its own beauty in it for me.

And yes, purple toothbrushes are sometimes a wonderful thing.

Part Two of Racer's Profundities

I think this is a great thread. Not only does it remind us of some of the things we find joy in, but it also reminds us that mood is not the only thing affected by depression. All of our senses are effected. Could it be that it's a physical change? Could it be a part of the disorder that hasn't received much attention?

I know that one change for me when I'm depressed is that my eyesight (already horrifically bad) gets much worse. My prescription actually changes and then changes back. It's not a really significant change most of the time, about a diopter or so, but it's enough that reading gets difficult. I also don't taste food the same way, so textures get more important. That may be involved in the anorexia, since when I'm in a full blown episode of that, texture is much more important than taste and I can't eat anything that's the 'wrong' texture (though I could happily eat cardboard if it were the 'right' texture that day...) During anorexic phases, I tend to eat the same thing every day. Weeks of peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches, or caesar salads, or Malt-O-Meal, or whatever it is. Tomato soup comes in for its share of praise - possibly because it seems to be the only thing I can usually taste at those times.

So how much of all this is the effect of physical changes in our neural web due to depression? Anyone care to speculate?




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